The shape of things to come
by just.a.bit.unlikely
Summary: It's a new start for Zoe, the unexpected girl who still has a lot to learn about who she is, what she wants and who she wants. Luckily, she's traveling with the last Time Lord she has left. Takes place after season 3. Timey-wimey. You don't have to read it if you haven't but it's a sequel to "the unexpected girl".
1. Prologue

**So this follows my other story (the unexpected girl) but It starts as a story of its own, I'm going to fill the gaps here and then so if you haven't read that you won't feel lost: so if you wish to go through the first part, feel free to do so but skip the next line in which I'll explain the main character to those of you who will join now. **

**(Zoe is a young Time Lord, but she's just found out. After a lot of angst and jumps in time and space through which Zoe met various regenerations of the Doctor, they're now traveling together, and she's learning how to be a Time Lord after a lifetime as a human. Oh, and I should mention, she is the Master's guardian. She's the one who unwillingly freed him from the fob watch prison, unaware of what the consequences would be). **

**This takes place after the end of season three and the start of season four. **

**OF COURSE I don't own Doctor Who. **

* * *

**. Prologue .**

In my dreams, I recognize him immediately.

Well, _dreams_. Not that I am actually asleep, it's almost like I haven't been sleeping at all, since, yeah, apparently, Time Lords are never sleepy, It's more like some kind of blurred vision, you may call it daydreaming.

I recognize him even if he looks different. I tried talking to the Doctor about it and he said it has something to do with the bond, and Time Lords always recognizing their kind, but he didn't deepen. He's still wary and tries to avoid answering whenever I try talking about him, and this bond thing, okay, it's pretty obvious that he's bothered.

Not that he's jealous of me, honestly. I think it has more to do with the fact that, unless something very unlikely happens, he's not going to bond with anyone anytime soon. And I have to admit, the universe wasn't fair with him on that.

He doesn't say much though, because he knows that I was created this way, that my bond with the Master isn't one of love, and I was, uhm, pretty much forced into it. The Doctor is smart enough not to complain about something I wasn't even aware of until recently and something I didn't even ask for in the first place.

But still, the bond left a scar when he died. It's like a gap, an empty space that gets only filled by... daydreaming.

I'm still trying to figure out if there's any truth to these visions, if I should have anxiety or hope, but from what little I gathered, death has never been much of a problem for the Master. So I'll admit that part of me thinks he's going to show up again, sooner or later.

And if he does - _when_ he does? - is he going to look different? Will I really recognize him anyway?

In the dreams, I can't tell what he looks like.

Sometimes it's just glimpses, and all I can see of him are arms, stretched in the dark to catch me before I fall into the deep emptiness; sometimes, I think I hear his voice calling me.

Some other times, there's more detail to it. A battlefield, a large arcade hall, injured people, debris and ruins all over the place, something tingles in the back of my mind, like a distant call, and then I see him at the opposite side. It's like he too becomes suddenly aware of my presence, and he strides across until he's closer.

I see him taking off his helmet, dropping his weapons, and then, without looking away even once, he's in front of me.

I never remember the exact features of his appearance.

All I know is he's tall, taller than me, because I feel somehow smaller when he's this close.

He's changed and he's different, even if there's still a familiar hint of playfulness and mischief at the corner of his smile, but it doesn't scare me, not anymore.

He is strong, because he lifts me up to him with just one arm pinning at the small of my back, his other hand brushing my hair out of the way.

And I know he's desperate and torn, and at the same time his kiss is _just pure instinct_, something we both can't avoid.

It feels like nature, it feels like home.

I can't tell if his eyes are dark or light, if his hair is straight or curly, if his hands are soft or rough, I can't tell any of this, but I recognize him.

Maybe I'm not asleep, but it feels just like a dream.

And just like from a dream, the Doctor wakes me up, snapping his fingers.

"Zoe? Try again".

* * *

**That's it for now. For my readers, I'm trying to see if I can get away with shorter chapters. **


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: this is still a bit of introduction before real adventures begin.  
big shout-out to hannah skywalker for the follow/favorite! **

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Try again".

"Nothing? _Again_?".

"Something, but I'm afraid not really what you- try again".

We've been sitting in the kitchen for two hours. I'm tired and hungry. Can't even pretend I'm sleepy. Wonder if I can prove sleep is a fun activity and make it into a Time Lord thing. Yep. Definitely going to do that. I'll start a campaign, sleep for fun. I'll even make buttons.

The Doctor looks at me bored.

I try to focus, looking at him. I close my eyes and put two fingertips on my temple, theatrically.

"That's not- that's not necessary".

Yeah, I know it's not. It's what they do in the X-Men movies.

I groan. "Nothing? Anything?".

"I've got, uhm, let's see, the lyrics to _There is a light that never goes out_ - nice one, always loved them - the stops on the Piccadilly Line from Hammersmith to King's Cross, your friend Paul's address and apparently, some very vivid and frankly not needed details about his skills at-".

"_Okay_, okay, okay", I interrupt him, blushing.

_Ding_ goes the microwave.

"Is it apple pie?" I ask, as he jumps on his feet, spinning around the table. Seconds later he returns with my slice of apple pie.

"Well at least it looks like the Tardis can hear you".

Of course I'm not telling him that the Tardis have always picked up what I wanted to eat and that it has nothing to do with the telepathic abilities he insists on training. Not until I take my first bite.

"Not really", I admit, still chewing. I never did this in my whole life, talk while I'm eating. Oh god, maybe being gross is another Time Lord thing I'll have to get used to. Seriously hoping not.

"I know, but you looked like you were starving. Let's take a break. Eat, we'll give it another try later".

"Thank you very much Doctor, I will enjoy my break". I flash him a happy-baby smile. He looks at me puzzled. Honestly, he's having so much patience with me, I can't thank him enough.

I suppose he never did something like this, and it's frustrating how slow I seem to be on the learning path. But at the same time, I think he's quite relieved at not-being-the-last-of-the-time-lords so he's willing to indulge me and be patient.

By the way, it's not like he's spoiling me. I'm still on trial, I guess. I _did_ already make a few mistakes, and let's not count the very many mistakes I did as a human. Besides, I think he's still on edge about, well, you know, feelings. Sometimes he looks at me like I'm his buddy, his female-bro, like he always did when Martha was still around, and sometimes I have this _dread_ that he's somehow into me.

Which is something I'm not even willing to admit. I think I fancied him a bit, some time ago, but then, well, the last two years happened, and everything changed.

Since the Master's funeral pyre we've been around for... I don't know if I should count days? since I'm not sleeping and all. He's been showing me around, telling me things, charging me with informations, checking if I have memories.

I don't.

I was made a Time Lord by a really superior mind - that's what the Doctor said, so - but not on Gallifrey. I'm artificial. I was born as a Time Lord hidden in a human, all my memories are just glimpses of things my maker - my Master - knew.

I never stepped foot on Gallifrey (and never will). My mind is now bigger and I think faster and I easily understand stuff that always look very complicated, but it's what I got from him.

Oh, and now, there's the timelines thing, of course. That alone gave me headaches for days. The thing is - being a Time Lord, you see everything. All that is, all that was, all that ever will be. My mind is constantly spinning, apparently crazy in imagination, except it's not imagination, it's every possible future.

The Doctor says I'm still adjusting and that I will get used to it. Just ignore it, he says. So I'm practising, just like with the telepathic communication thing. And piloting the Tardis! Which is the most fun practice so far. There's a lot of practice involved. Now I'm focusing on ignoring the timelines.

Like right now, as we are in the console room, anything could happen. If I pull the wrong lever or push the wrong button... wait, did I leave the shields down? Because, if I did that, there are a few things that could happen now. See? Practicing two things at the same time.

I mean, we could even crash into the...

No, wait, that's not me trying to isolate and ignore the timelines, that's what just happened.

"What?", the Doctor repeats a few times blinking at me, before turning over a life preserver that says Titanic. And, there's the fog horn. Because of course, we're _that_ lucky.

"Sorry", I say, with a strained smile, as we get up from the crash.

"Happens", he raises his eyebrows and guides me to the console. "Here. This will start the repairings", he shows me.

Boy, he's going to need _a lot_ of patience with me.

Or, maybe he's being kind and totally fine about my crashing the Tardis just because he too crashes _a lot_. Actually, I'm not sure I want to take driving lessons from him. Can't wait for him to meet River.

"Sorry", I repeat.

"Don't worry. Best if we leave the Tardis do her thing - and, since we're on a break from training, would you fancy a look around?".

"But it's fixed", I say, as I follow him past the doors, grabbing my jacket. "I mean, I think, am I right?". I don't want to end up in a situation in which we can't change things. And, if I recall, if there's an iceberg around, the water probably isn't very warm.

"Yeeeah. You're getting better at it", he says as we step into the dining room, where there's a champagne buffet, and a brass band is playing Jingle Bells.

"Maybe we could have thought earlier about clothes", I tell him, nodding at his blue, almost invisibly pinstriped, suit. I'm wearing my favourite oversized white tee and black skinny jeans, with black laced boots. It's basically my uniform lately.

He takes a look at me, head to toes. I've cut my hair short and bleached them almost white after the Master's funeral, because after two years without a haircut they were too long and messy and reminded me of a bad moment in my life. Oh, who am I kidding, I just wanted a change. The literal fresh cut. I still have the piercings though, and they don't exactly blend in with 1912. See? One more Time lord trick. I can always tell what year it is. Bye bye google.

"We look just fine. Besides, the Titanic did travel for a while before crashing into the iceberg, it's probably been-".

He stops, looking around. Well, everybody _is_ dressed period, Edwardian dresses and everything, but there's something quirk around I would have noticed anyway, Time Lord or not: there are golden skinned statues of angels and I swear one just moved as we passed by.

Well that, or the small red-skinned, spike-face alien who just walked by in front of us. Wearing a tuxedo jacket.

I open my mouth to speak but the Doctor's already glaring at me with a curious frown.

"Right...", he says realizing as we look at planet Earth from a window.

_Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol Three, also known as Earth. Population, Human. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas, _the tannoy says.

I stare quietly looking outside. It's beautiful. Except for that time the older Doctor brought me to the Moon after the whole ordeal with the astronaut suit, I'm not used to see big green and blue planet Earth from a window. He tries to impress everyone by flying to the farest corners of the universe, but humans, we're, I mean, they're simple. Just watching Earth from this orbit, very close, if you think about where the Tardis could go, would be enough to amaze anyone.

"So... how about raiding the Tardis closet for a period dress?", he smiles.

Well, anyone but him, of course.

* * *

**Ehi, you! Yes, I mean you. I know you're just a bit shy but come on, (wink) write the first review please! Updates soon. **


	3. Chapter 2

**_A/N thanks to_ The Elo, MargaretMacDonald123, DavinaVictoria, HauntedLeg, Tyantha, Xsier _and_ you've-been-sherlocked _for the follows/favs. Didn't expect so many. I love you all. _**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

I find this golden flapper dress that goes just below my knee and I slip on a black silk cardigan with golden embroidery to cover the tattoos on my arms. For a moment I'm considering if it's wise to keep the boots, but they really don't match. Plus we're just going to a buffet, and I've had enough of _always be prepared for the worse to happen_. It would be nice to have a dinner party which is just a dinner party.

But I'm wearing flats. Just in case.

"Zoe?", he calls. "Check if I left the sonic screwdriver in the jacket, please".

"Got it", I yell back as I leave the wardrobe.

I spin my way in the Tardis control room as if I was Daisy Buchanan. I do indeed feel pretty and I'm ready to impress the Doctor. He's so funny when he's stunned, or unprepared, so I'm waiting for a stuttered _you look nice_ or _yeah that will work_ but he's wearing a skinny fit tuxedo, so I'm the one impressed.

He beams at me, and I tilt my head, beaming back. "Don't you look handsome". He raises his eyebrow, smirking in selfassurance, then nods at my shoes.

"No high heels?".

"Says the one wearing Chuck Taylors".

He fixes his bowtie, somehow smugly. He just _knows_ he's handsome. I can't help but giggle at him.

"What?".

"Nothing", I shake my head. Nothing, it's just you're going to do this very same gesture a lot of times in the future, and usually when you're nervous.

He moves to the door, then points his elbow at me.

"My lady", he invites, and I cling my arm on his as we waltz into the dining room.

Couples are dancing to a slow sad version of Winter Wonderland.

"Merry Christmas", a steward politely says.

"Merry Christmas", I reply, nodding my head in a regal way.

"Putting on a posh accent, are you?".

"What are you talking about, my dear. If you are insinuating that my speaking manners are usually unsuited to societary rendezvous, frankly, I will be taking a personal interest in correcting your delusional mind". I stretch the words keeping my lips pursed as if I'm Helen Mirren, or Maggie Smith, actually making an effort to have every _t_ sound right. Although I have to admit, it's not my forte, fake high society. Trust me, we've been to 1913 before and it didn't turn out that well. And - I'm much better at faking Australian, Spanish, and, as we discovered a couple of weeks ago, thanks to the Tardis, native Brazilian.

"Watched too much Downton Abbey, have we?", he jokes.

"Nonsense, milord", but I'm out of Austen vocabulary, so I let the joke dry. "Yeaah", I smile, dropping the accent. "I would be the one who runs away with the driver anyway".

"Of course you would", he smiles.

There's the full catalogue. Bored teenagers, sad old men who had too much to drink, the workaholic on his phone. "It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone. Now do as I say and sell".

The Doctor, still arm in arm, spins me around until we're up to one of the angels.

"Evening. Passenger fifty seven and fifty eight. Terrible memory. Remind us. You would be...?".

"Information. Heavenly Host supplying tourist information".

"Good, so, tell me, because I'm an idiot, where are we from?".

"Information. The Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures".

Of course, they consider Earth to be a primitive culture. Maybe we're flying over Earth in 2000 BC, who knows. I doubt it, though.

"_Titanic_. Who thought of the name?", the Doctor asks.

"Information. It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth".

I can't help but look at the host sadly. "Did they tell you why it was famous?".

"Information. All designations are chosen by Mister Max Capricorn, president of Max, Max, Max-" the Host twitches, its voice pitching higher.

"Ooo, bit of a glitch", he says, patting his jacket, but before I can pick the screwdriver from my cardigan pocket the Steward has already noticed and hurries over.

"It's all right, sir, we can handle this".

"Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir. Merry Christmas". Two more officers arrive and they switch off the Host before carrying it away, while the Steward complains. "That's another one down. What's going on with these things?".

"For Tov's sake, look where you're going. This jacket's a genuine Earth antique!", the businessman is yelling at a petite waitress.

"I'm sorry, sir", she apologizes as she crouches down to pick up the pieces of glass from the tray she crashed onto the man.

"You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn's going down the drain". He mutters, leaving. He's lucky I wasn't the waitress, or he'd be swallowing glass splinters by now.

The Doctor stoops to help the girl.

"Careful. There we go".

"Thank you, sir. I can manage".

"I never said you couldn't. I'm the Doctor, by the way".

"Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth", she smiles.

"Nice to meet you, Astrid Peth. Merry Christmas".

"Merry Christmas, sir".

"Just Doctor, not sir".

"You and your wife enjoying the cruise?", she asks politely, noticing me as she stands up. I'm a little taller than the average girl, but boy, she's a miniature. I wave at her, smiling.

"Er, yeah, I suppose. I don't know", he replies as I glare, and then corrects. "Er, no, I mean, she's not my wife, this is, uhm, my sister, Lady Zoe Richards". I smile approvingly.

"You're not married?", _A-ha!_, Miss Peth. I think I just saw a sparkle there. Also, she's got her eyes locked on the Doctor.

"No, no. Just, er, used to have..., er, no. What about you? Long way from home, Planet Sto".

"Doesn't feel that different. I spent three years working at the spaceport diner, travelled all the way here and I'm still waiting on tables". She sounds disappointed.

"No shore leave?".

"We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance. I just wanted to try it, just once. I used to watch the ships heading out to the stars and I always dreamt of", she says longingly, looking away, a bit embarrassed. "It sounds daft".

"No it doesn't", I cut in, "Sounds familiar".

"You dreamt of another sky. New sun, new air, new life. A whole universe teeming with life. Why stand still when there's all that life out there?", the Doctor teases, smiling with his low voice, sitting at the window.

"So, you travel a lot?".

"All the time", he shruggs. "Just for fun. Well, that's the plan. Never quite works". He says it as if he's proud of finding trouble wherever he goes.

"Indeed". I agree, groaning.

"Must be rich, though", she says, looking at my dress.

"Haven't got a penny", he lowers his voice, whispering. "Stowaways".

"Kidding", she glares between him and me.

"Seriously", I whisper.

She sounds astonished. "No".

"Oh, yeah".

"How did you get on board?".

"Accident. I've got this, sort of, ship thing. I was just rebuilding her. We, uhm, left the defences down", nice Doctor shares the blame. "Bumped into the Titanic, here we are. Bit of a party, we thought, why not?".

"I should report you", she teases.

"Go on then", he says, looking into her eyes. Is he flirting?

She looks around. "I'll get you a drink", she nods, then, whispering, she adds, "on the house".

She leaves and the Doctor follows her with his gaze.

"She's cute", I tease him.

"What? I- no, I was just-".

"Come on! She _charmed_ her way into those big lonely hearts of yours with her longing for the stars attitude, my dear... _brother_". I joke, resuming her majesty's accent.

"Stop it", he giggles, nudging his elbow at me.

We spot a group of people laughing loudly, apparently at a fat couple dressed in purple rodeo outfits who are eating a ton of buffalo wings.

"Something's tickled them", the Doctor nods as we sit down with the couple.

"They told us it was fancy dress. Very funny, I'm sure", the woman says, grim.

"They're just picking on us because we haven't paid. We won our tickets in a competition", the man explains, as the Doctor looks at them, amused.

"I had to name the five husbands of Joofie Crystalle in By the Light of the Asteroid. Did you ever watch By the Light of the Asteroid?".

I lean back, stretching to get a better look at the loud group's table. "Is that the one with the twins?", the Doctor asks, slightly leaning forward.

"That's it! Oh, it's marvellous".

"But we're not good enough for that lot. They think we should be in steerage".

"Well, can't have that, can we?", he says smiling, then glances briefly at me as I twist the sonic screwdriver. "You on this?", he whispers, with a high pitch.

"You bet", I reply, quickly hiding the device under my arm as I lean forward, joining them. The cork of the champagne bottle at the center of the other table goes _pop_, spraying the rude people's expensive clothes with alcohol. The Doctor winks at me, smiling.

"Did you do that?", the couple cheers, amazed.

"Maybe", I shrug.

"We like you", the woman nods, giggling.

"We do. I'm Morvin Van Hoff. This is my good woman, Foon", he introduces, shaking hands.

"Foon. Hello. Let me introduce my sister Lady Zoe Richards, and I'm the Doctor".

"Oh, I'm going to need a doctor, time I've finished with that buffet. Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo. So many wings".

Time Lord or not, I'm still a vegetarian. The Doctor dives into the bucket of meat, when the tannoy speaks._ Attention please. Shore leave tickets Red Six Seven now activated. Red Six Seven._

"Red Six Seven. That's us. Are you Red Six Seven?". Foon asks.

"Might as well be".

"Come on, then. We're going to Earth", Morvin invites.

Of course, I get a trip and it's... to Earth. Besides, isn't that Astrid the little cute waiter? "I think I'll pass", I nod in her direction to the Doctor, who smirks teasingly.

"I got you that drink", Astrid says as she approaches us.

I pick one glass, thanking her, just before the Doctor swiftly takes the tray from her hands to put it on the closest table. "And I got you a treat. Come on".

"See you later, brother", I wink as I look at them joining the queue. Astrid is nervous, but the Doctor is all smiles and charm, and has no trouble convincing her.

I can tell that he likes her, and I must add it's only fair that I leave him some space every now and then. He's been very patient with me and I guess he could use some Zoe-free time.

"To repeat, I am Mister Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London town in the country of UK, ruled over by good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary". Also, apparently I'm not missing anything, according to this. "And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner like savages".

Well I'll never complain about Lonely Planet inaccuracies again.

* * *

_**I'm trying to keep chapters shorter so you can have updates sooner. Or would you rather have the whole episode/adventure and 6000 words? anywaaaay, See this little box down here? Yep, that's for you to write a review. Or leave a suggestion. Thanks! **_


	4. Chapter 3

**_A/N thanks to_**** Maren the fangirl ****_for following!_**

* * *

**chapter 3**

I lazily take a sip of champagne, forgetting that most alcohol tastes rubbish if you're a Time Lord. Well I was sober anyway. I try to spit it back into the glass without losing my ladylike poise, looking around the room to check if anyone's noticed. I quite like this place. I'm a sucker for good costume stuff. I used to be a props maker, mostly, but I remember my days as costume designer as fun. I lay my eyes on the laces and headpieces, then check my own outfit. I blend in just fine, so I join a rolling dice game, ending up close to the man who scolded Astrid before. I hope I can win all his money, when the stewards appear hastily.

The lights flicker in the room, and I look up to get a grasp on what's going on. I swear I am prepared for a nice quiet dinner, but the host glitching, the stewards running around, it just takes that to give me the feeling something's wrong.

"I was in mid-sentence!", the Doctor protests with his hands in the air, suddenly reappearing on deck with the whole group, that includes the Van Hoffs and the small red-skinned alien.

"Yes, I'm sorry about that. A bit of a problem. If I could have your bracelets", Mr. Copper asks, just before the steward joins them. I see Astrid hiding behind the Doctor as the stewards approach the group.

"Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, and Bannakaffalatta. We seem to have suffered a slight power fluctuation. If you'd like to return to the festivities. And on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners, free drinks will be provided".

"Thank you", Foon approves.

Astrid spins in front of the Doctor, smiling broadly. "That was the best. The best!", she says before returning to work.

"What sort of power fluctuation?", the Doctor asks to the stewards, handing his teleport bracelet, but they ignore him.

I leave the gambling table and turn to the nearest of the many animated picture frames that display messages from the man himself, Mr. Capricorn, waving at the Doctor who's searching the room.

I don't miss that he and Astrid are exchanging glances as he walks towards me.

"Sooo..._ that was the best_", I singsong as I sonic the hinges to unfasten the frame and get to the electronics.

"Stop i-i-i-it", he says, as he put on his glasses. He doesn't realize he has the same voice as when he tries to stop Jack Harkness to introduce himself to anything that moves. Oh, Jack would have loved this, the Doctor flirting. Me and him, we would have driven the Doctor mad with jokes.

"So how was it? How's old London?".

"Deserted. Just an old newsagent and Queen Elizabeth".

"Well London isn't exactly the safest place at Christmas", I nod, switching channels until I have the image of the ship's status. "Suppose I should thank you about that?", I joke.

"You're a very ungrateful lady, Zoe- hang on, the shields are off line", he cuts, peering out the nearby porthole until his face turns worried. I follow his gaze until I can see some fireballs in the distance.

I whirr the sonic screwdriver at the circuits again until we have communication with the bridge. "Is that the bridge? I need to talk to the Captain. You've got a meteoroid storm coming in west zero by north two", the Doctor says, hastily.

"Who is this?", comes an electrified reply.

"Never mind that, your shields are down. Check your scanners, Captain. You've got meteoroids coming in and no shielding". He's raising his voice, so I take a look around, alarmed.

"You have no authorisation. You will clear the comms at once".

"Yeah? Just look starboard!". I see stewards coming our way. I furtively drop the sonic screwdriver in the Doctor's hand and nudge him, clearly too late.

"Come with me, Sir", a steward says, grabbing his shoulders and taking him away.

"You've got a rock storm heading for this ship and the shields are down", I hear him insist as the stewards take him away.

I look at the screen again, but there's no way I can fix the shielding from here, and the Captain didn't seem eager to do it himself.

The Doctor makes a run for the bandstand and tries to warn the passengers.

"Everyone, listen to me! This is an emergency! Get to the lifeb-" but he's caught up by the stewards again. "Look out the windows!". The tiny one, Bannakaffalatta, and the businessman seem to be the only one who listened.

I watch outside as the meteoroids get closer. A tiny rock breaks a windowglass, landing between the businessman's feet.

"You there", I hear him ask to a host. "Has anyone checked the external shielding?".

"Information. You are all going to die", the creepy angel replies.

I scramble down the corridor, following the Doctor's voice as he complains with support from Astrid, Red-skinned Tuxedo alien (oh, my, am I racist?) and the Van Hoffs.

The businessman joins us just before the spacerocks hit the ship, and everything goes ablaze.

I feel my weight suddenly lifted from the floor and I land ungracefully just inches away from a huge hole in the wall.

I click my neck. Wow, this superior Time Lord biology really works after all. In no time I'm up on my feet, backing away from the wall. I give an ok sign to the Doctor, who nods at me while he's checking on Astrid.

"Bad name for a ship", he's muttering. "Either that or this suit is really unlucky". I really have no idea of what he's going on about.

Looks like everyone is pretty much fine, the Van Hoffs, Astrid, the red skinned alien, (whose name, I learn, is Bannakaffalatta, which makes me think of a Starbucks drink), the very rude Rickston Slade who's still screaming at the steward. Only Mr. Copper has a bad cut on his head.

Everybody starts complaining at the poor steward, who tries to keep everyone calm.

"She is, after all, a fine, sturdy ship. If you could all stay here while I ascertain the exact nature of the situation...", he says, going to a nerby hatch.

Before the Doctor can stop him, he's sucked into space. We all cling to, uhm, well, whatever holds as he sonics the control panel until the oxygen shield is restored.

"Doctor", I say, as I try to strain what remains of the once gorgeous silk embroidered cardigan, which is now basically just strips of fabric from my shoulders down. "I don't think it was an accident".

He walks by my side, with Astrid. "How many dead?", she asks, looking outside.

"We're alive. Just focus on that. I will get you out of here, Astrid, I promise. Look at me. I promise. Good", he says, "Now, if we can get to Reception…". I watch the floating mess of bodies and debris outside, when a tingle of fear hits me. And just as the Doctor says "I've got a spaceship tucked away. We can all get on board and-"… yep. I wasn't the only one to notice the Tardis slowly going adrift. "Oh".

"What is it? What's wrong?". Astrid asks.

"That's my ship over there". The Doctor notices my distress and strokes my shoulder. Now, I'm pretty aware of what happened the last time the Doctor lost sight of the Tardis. I know, I know, it wasn't his fault, actually it was the Master who stole it. Actually, with _my_ help. "We'll get it back, don't worry", he adds, looking at me as I shiver.

I'm not worried, Doctor, I just feel guilty. And I'm having a headache. A guilt-induced headache.

"Where?", Astrid asks, snapping us back to the present. Not really a good time to brood in guilty feelings. Let's focus on going back to Reception. And, as messy as the deck looks now, it's not going to easy.

"There... That box. That little blue box". I point.

Astrid raises a brow. "That's a spaceship?".

"Oi, don't knock it", the Doctor remarks, offended.

"It's a bit small".

"A bit distant. Trouble is, once it's set adrift, it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth".

Now, I'm going to throw away the Doctor's tuxedo right into space as soon as we're back to the Tardis. Because, as it turns out from a quick conversation with the panicked boy who's apparently now the one in charge of the ship, Midshipman Frame, not only we're running on unsteady nuclear storm power engines, but also, if the Titanic loses orbit, the nuclear storm will explode and wipe out all life on planet Earth.

Ok, so maybe it's not the suit, but it doesn't sound very lucky, does it?

I mean, the ship is falling apart, there's fire everywhere. Everybody is now on edge, Foon and Mr. Copper are panicking, and Rickston is again complaining. Loudly. So-fucking-annoying. The Doctor loses his patience too.

"Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. First things first. _One_. We are going to climb through this ship. _B_. No. _Two_. We're going to reach the bridge. _Three_. Or _C_. We're going to save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low _four_, or _D_, or that little _iv_ in brackets they use in footnotes, why". Wow, that was so messy it didn't really sound very authoritative. "Right then, follow me", he finishes, and starts walking.

"Hang on a minute. Who put you in charge and who the hell are you anyway?".

Uh-oh. Wrong question, Rickston. I see the Doctor freeze in step ahead of me, then suddenly he turns menacingly.

"I'm the Doctor. We're Time Lords. We're from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm nine hundred and three years old and I'm the man who's going to save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below". I'm quite surprised he counted me in his _don't-mess-with-Time-Lords_ speech. "You got a problem with that?".

And, I'm even more surprised that he finally managed to shut Rickston up. "No", he admits.

"In that case, allons-y!", he spins around through the fire, holding my hand.

* * *

_**Thanks to HauntedLeg who wrote the first review on this story! as a thank you gift, a note for you:**_

_**-I originally intended Zoe to be the Master's daughter but then I saw Life on Mars, fell in love with John Simm and thought, now, let's have a very twisted angsty relationship there instead.**_

_**Write reviews (please!) and I'll give you a small **_**_fact-note-trivia (yeah I don't really know how to call those) for each one.  
Here's another in advance for the next one:_**

**_-Zoe has two piercings on her nose (left and septum), one on her lower lip (right) and one on her right eyebrow. Yes just like Rooney Mara's Lisbeth Salander._**

**_Next chapter is already written, update will come tomorrow I think!_**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N Thanks to Kissyfur85 and prankster-at-heart for following! **

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Rather ironic, but this is very much in the spirit of Christmas. It's a festival of violence. They say that human beings only survive depending on whether they've been good or bad. It's barbaric".

I don't have the heart to correct Mr. Copper. I just glare.

"Actually, that's not true. Christmas is a time of, of peace and thanksgiving and _what am I on about_? My Christmases are always like this", the Doctor says, correcting himself halfway.

Making our way through the ship is as difficult as it looks. Also, just when we thought we had some luck in finding a Host, with the Van Hoffs repairing it, we managed to speak to Midshipman Frame again, and he warned us that the Host are now, well, killing machines. They've basically wiped out any other passenger left but us. I can feel the Doctor's growing anxiety. I wish I could share this burden with him, help him in any way. But even when we reach the bridge, what do I know about nuclear storm navigation? All I could do would be, uhm, look at the screen hoping that something of the genius engineer I am by inheritance kicks in. Which is, needless to say, a bit unlikely.

But anyway, Frame had to seal himself in the bridge so there's one more thing to fix before we even get to the command screens. What else, let me see, oh, yeah, Rickston is a moron. Bit we already knew that. And, Bannakaffalatta is an android. And he's going to marry Astrid. Who's still _totally_ flirting with the Doctor.

"So, you look good for nine hundred and three".

"You should see me in the mornings".

Funny though, he's somehow unawarely flirting back.

"Okay".

I giggle as the Doctor realizes what she means. Mr Copper saves him from blushing. "Doctor, it must be well past midnight, Earth time. Christmas Day".

"So it is. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas!" I repeat, not too happily. Not that anyone here is sharing the holiday festive spirit.

Maybe because they don't know anything about it. Astrid asks. "This Christmas thing, what's it all about?".

"Long story. I should know, I was there. I got the last room", the Doctor answers, muttering to himself.

Of course you did, I think, shaking my head, which still aches, by the way. The Doctor looks up at me.

"But if the planet's waking up, can't we signal them? They could send up a rocket or something".

"They don't have spaceships", I stop him. I wonder what happened to the Valiant, that beautiful masterpiece of the Master.

"No, I read about it. They have shuffles. Space shuffles". Seriously? _Shuffles_?

The Doctor is a bit baffled too. "Mister Copper, this degree in Earthonomics, where's it from?"

"Honestly?", he sounds scared.

The Doctor insists. "Just between us".

"Mrs Golightly's Happy Travelling University and Dry Cleaners", he admits.

"You..." Astrid asks, "you lied to the company to get the job?".

"I wasted my life on Sto. I was a travelling salesman, always on the road, and I reached retirement with nothing to show for it. Not even a home. And Earth sounded so exotic".

"I've never been on Sto, but Earth can be exotic, yeah", I nod, rubbing my temple.

"How come you know it so well?", Astrid wonders, looking at me and the Doctor.

"Oh, Zoe is a local. Born and raised. Me, I was sort of, a few years ago, I was sort of made, well, sort of homeless, and, er, there was the Earth".

"You said you were siblings", Astrid says, puzzled.

"Did I?", he says, looking guiltily away as I roll my eye. Funny how he lies all the time and slips something. Every. Single. Time.

"The thing is, if we survive this, there'll be police and all sorts of investigations. Now the minimum penalty for space lane fraud is ten years in jail. I'm an old man. I won't survive ten years", Mr. Copper explains, not really concerned about what goes on between me and the Doctor.

Besides, another Host appears and we're on the run again.

And of course, since we're so damn lucky, our only way across the engine furnace is a beam. And Hosts can fly, because, yeah, they look like angels. Shit. Before realizing, we lost Bannakaffalatta and both the Van Hoffs - Foon and Bannakaffalatta went down as heroes, saving us all, just as the Host menacingly said "Now you will die".

"No more". I don't like the sound of the Doctor's voice. When he talks like this, it usually means he's up for anything. Which usually puts him in the bigger danger.

"Right. Get yourself up to Reception One. Once you're there, Mister Copper, you've got staff access to the computer, try to find a way of transmitting an SOS. Astrid, you're in charge of this", he says giving her the EMP transmitter we got from Bannakaffalatta. "Once it's powered up, it'll take out a Host within fifty yards but then it needs sixty seconds to recharge. Got it? Zoe, you get the bridge open and fix the engines. Here, take this". There. He's giving me his sonic screwdriver. I don't like that he thinks he's not going to need it, but I have no time to protest as he's already handing a first aid kit to Copper so he can fix his cuts, then we're back to the comms to charge the EMP transmitter.

"See, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there", he tells Astrid.

"You're talking as if you're not coming with us".

"There's something down on deck thirty one. I'm going to find out what it is", he says, then looks at me. "You'll be safe with Zoe - are you okay?".

"Yeah, just... a little headache. Much worst things to worry about now", I shrug.

"What if you meet a Host?", Astrid worries.

"Well, then I'll just have some fun".

"Sounds like you do this kind of thing all the time".

"Not by choice. All we do is travel. That's what we are. Just travellers. Imagine it. No tax, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky".

"I'm sort of... unemployed now", Astrid says, shyly. "I was thinking the blue box is kind of small, but I could squeeze in it, like a stowaway".

"It's not always safe", he warns her, but I know he's intrigued by the idea.

"So you two need someone extra to take care of you. I've got no one back on Sto. No family, just me. So what do you think? Can I come with you?", she looks at me.

He turns to me and I rest the decision on him. It's not like she's really asking _me_, anyway. "Yeah, I'd like that. Yes", he smiles happily.

I don't have time to imagine how life will be on the Tardis with the Doctor and his girlfriend, because another loud bang shakes the Titanic.

"Mister Frame, you still with us?", the Doctor snaps back to the comms.

"It's the engines, sir. Final phase. There's nothing more I can do. We've got only eight minutes left".

"Don't worry, we'll get there. I'm sending you my best troubleshooting expert".

"But the bridge is sealed off", Frame warns.

**"**Yeah, yeah, working on it. I'll get there, Mister Frame, somehow. All charged up? Zoe, look after them. Mister Copper, look after her. Astrid, look after him. Rickston, er, look after yourself. And I'll see you again, I promise".

Astrid stops him, grabbing Mr. Copper's first aid kit box. "Hold on! There's an old tradition on Planet Sto".

"I have really got to go", he protests.

"Just wait a minute", she says, and in an instant she's putting the box on the floor to step on it to kiss the Doctor. Oh boy, life on the Tardis will be... _interesting_. She's so small and so forward, he's petrified by surprise. I giggle as he blabbers.

"Yeah, that's a, ahem, very old tradition, yeah".

"See you later".

"Oh, yes!", he gives me a faraway look as he goes back across the bridge and we're going upwards, I'm already sonicking the door.

We have to scramble franticly and Astrid gets to blast Hosts a couple of times, much to everyone's relief, and we finally make it to Reception. I leave Mr. Copper to send the SOS at the computer, while Rickston, well, Rickston is just sitting down to regain his breath. Astrid looks around, the adrenaline from the run replaced by sudden worry.

I make my way to the deadsealed door, switching the setting on the sonic screwdriver. Come on, Zoe, you can do this. I won't let you down, Doctor. If only this _damn. door. would. open. _Since when does the sonic sound so loud?

"Midshipman Frame? Can you hear me?".

No reply. I turn another setting on the sonic screwdriver and the whirring noise becomes louder - _my head_- I'm probably frying the device, even if the deadlock seal doesn't seem affected.

I won't make it, Doctor. Find whatever way to get here. I can't do this on my own.

Because I'm not just frying the sonic screwdriver - _there's something wrong, this is too loud, really_ - and, as it appears, I'm frying my own brain - _my head, oh, fuck, it's so damn painful_.

And, I black out.

I think I see something, like words, or drawings, but it's all very unclear.

There's music, voices.

I don't know how long it lasts, before everything fades, disappears into pitch-black darkness.

_Wake up_.

Something - someone - is pulling me.

_Wake up, wake up_.

I blink, and I feel fabric brushing my cheek. I slowly move my head only to see that the Doctor is holding me up against him. He tries to switch his wary look into a relieved one, but I caught it.

"Oh", he says, quite flatly. "Teleport must have woken you up".

"What happened?", I ask, checking if I can walk. I take an uneasy step into the snow, still holding the Doctor's arm. Oh, good, looks like I can. Wait- _snow_? "Are we on Earth?".

"Yep. Everything's sorted".

"Missed all the fun", I nod, looking around, scratching my wrist where he strapped the teleport bracelet. How did we- looks like the headache is gone, but the guilt, oh, the guilt is definitely still there. I can't look at the Doctor. I spot Mr. Copper, walking ahead. "Astrid?", I enquire.

"She's... she's gone", the Doctor says, without looking at me.

"I'm sorry". He turns his eyes on me, sadly. Well, I don't know what else to say. Could I have saved her? Is this my fault too?

"So, Great Britain is part of Europey, and just across the British Channel, you've got Great France and Great Germany", Mr. Copper interrupts, and the Doctor's mood switches again.

"No, no, it's just, it's just France and Germany", he corrects, amused.

"Only Britain is Great", I add, thinking how much I'd like people from my original slash adoptive country to hear me.

"Oh, and they're all at war with the continent of Ham Erica", Mr. Copper supposes.

"No. Well, not yet. Er, could argue that one", the Doctor insists, finally reaching the most beautiful thing ever, standing blue and tall in the middle of the field. "There she is. Survive anything", he says, gently patting the wooden doors.

Mr. Copper looks around. "You know, between you and me, I don't even thing this snow is real. I think it's the ballast from the Titanic's salvage entering the atmosphere".

"Yeah. One of these days it might snow for real", the Doctor says sadly.

"So, I, I suppose you'll be off".

"The open sky", he nods.

"And, what about me?", the old man wonders.

"We travel alone. It's best that way". I think I can hear angst in the Doctor's words. He can't take anyone else with us because I'm too much of a mess he can't even leave me alone for a minute.

The man seems disappointed. "What am I supposed to do?".

"Give me that credit card", the Doctor asks, as the man pulls it out.

"It's just petty cash. Spending money. It's all done by computer. I didn't really know the currency, so I thought a million might cover it".

"A million? Pounds?" I ask, shocked.

"That enough for trinkets?", clueless Mr. Copper asks.

"Mister Copper, a million pounds is worth fifty million credits".

"How much?", he insists, surprised.

"Fifty million and fifty six".

"I've got money!".

He's so happy. "Yes, you have", I cheer.

"Oh, my word. Oh, my Vot! Oh, my goodness me. Yee ha!".

"It's all yours. Planet Earth. Now, that's a retirement plan. But just you be careful, though", the Doctor warns him.

"I will, I will. Oh, I will".

"No interfering. I don't want any trouble. Just, just have a nice life".

"But I can have a house. A proper house, with a garden, and a door, and. Oh, Doctor, I will made you proud. And I can have a kitchen with chairs, and windows, and plates, and..." he carries on, skipping happily away towards the city.

"Er, where are you going?", I ask.

"Well, I've no idea!".

"No, we neither", he shrugs.

"But Doctor, I won't forget her", Mr. Copper says, seriously, as he and the Doctor look up to the sky. I follow their gaze, there's a streak of blue starlight, like a shooting star, but it's zig-zagging across the sky.

"Merry Christmas, Mister Copper", the Doctor says good-bye, his face suddenly turning serious as well, and I nod to the man as I turn to the blue door too.

Once inside, he goes straight to the console, without looking at me.

"I'm sorry", I repeat.

"Stop saying that. We need to check what caused you those headaches though, it won't be good if they knock you out like that again".

"I know. I'm sorry".

"I sa- Stop repeating that! What is it with this constant guilt of yours?", he says, finally turning to look at me, half angry, half worried.

"I don't know!", I defensively reply. "I am perfectly aware that it's not very helpful, blacking out when I was supposed to be the troubleshooting expert".

He looks at me lowering his head and giving me a concerned, all-eyebrows look.

"Now what? What is this...", I wave my hand, gesturing over his face. "You've been giving me this puzzled look all night, what's that?".

"Troubleshooting expert?".

"That's what you said".

"Except", he says, taking a step closer. "I didn't".

"What? Back on the ship, just before As-".

"I only _thought_ it", he says, cutting me off. Well, that's a surprise. "That's happened a couple other times, too".

"Oh". Wow, really a big vocabulary today, Zoe.

"You can hear me", he confirms.

Do you hear me too? I think. He just stares at me. Guess that's a no.

* * *

**There you go. I was especially sorry to cut the "but if you could decide that would make you a monster" line, but I'll probably slip it in somewhere else... **

**Now, as promised, here's your trivia-facts-things-tips (please, come up with a name for these):**

**-I honestly have no idea of what a Time Ring is (tardis wikia is quite vague about them) and how it would work, because I admit I didn't see the classic series. I assume (and so should you while reading this) that being a time ring it works telepathically, and that the Doctor despises it just a little less than a vortex manipulator only because it was made by Time Lords. **

**-Chloe's necklace was a prop she made in order to disguise herself as Zoe, but it couldn't of course open Yana's fob watch.**

**and last for today (and dedicated especially to those two of you) **

**-English is not my first language- I lived in London for a while and I watch a lot of american tv (but I oddly understand british accents more easily?) so I don't know if the vocabulary here is mostly British or American or whatever. Zoe has travelled around -remember- even before meeting the Doctor so I imagine she picked up words and expressions from all over the world. **

**Brace yourselves because brilliant Donna Noble is on her way!**


	6. Chapter 5

**chapter 5**

_City dwella, successful fella, though to himself, whoops I've got a lot of money..._

Wow, this road is so boring. I've been strolling up and down veery casually until this man showed up yelling at me because he thougth I wanted to steal his car. So now I'm hiding in a bush. Yep. Be a Time Lord, they said, it would be fun, they said.

At least I changed before leaving the Tardis again - the faux leather jacket isn't that bad to wear if you plan to spend some time laying on a pavement hiding between branches. Not sure about the skinny black jeans, though, I'm freezing. Still, at least they fit good, and we're still in London zone 3, not exactly a battlefield. And the Doctor would never stop pouting if I ruined the three-button suit he forced me to wear this afternoon to play Health & Safety. Which of course was pinstriped.

I remember the Doctor complaining about how painstakingly _sloooow_ time passes at a normal rate. I've been laying here for at least an hour now, my only activity being trying to remember all the lyrics to early Blur tapes.

_In the country-y-y-y..._

And, of course, keeping an eye on this Stacy Campbell's house. Mind you, I'm doing my job - I even got myself a binocular from the Tardis. I don't know why the Doctor thought surveillance was needed, since we're investigating a _diet_. Mostly I don't know why _I_ had to do surveillance while he's probably chatting away with this other man who's on Adipose pills, Roger something. Bet they're having tea.

Still, I couldn't complain, since the last time he gave me a task I, well, blacked out, proving myself completely useless. So I'm really trying to focus.

_And when you put it all together he's the model of the charmle_-wait, what the hell is that?

"Doctor? I think you should see this", I call into the earpiece as I scramble to stand up and pick up my phone to film the... puppy? It's most definitely something alien, but it's... a bit unsettling. Here I was expecting something scary and ugly and that's like... the cutest thing ever.

"Doctor?", I repeat, as another white fat puppy jumps down the first story window.

"Zoe? Where are you? I'm following a signal", comes his disturbed electronic voice while I look at the five or six white round creatures. They toddle happily down the road, playing around with waste bins, and at first I'm too surprised to follow them, still filming, but then I hear a sudden brake sound and I start running. Thank you combat boots.

As soon as I turn around the corner, I'm half expecting to see Torchwood black SUV, but it's actually just a black van, two men closing its doors abruptly.

I turn around, searching the street. The Doctor is nowhere to be seen, but I am distracted by someone far. Isn't that-

"Zoe! I-".

I hear the Doctor call me both in the earpiece and in the street, so I spin on myself and run back turning the corner, slamming my face into the Doctor's chest. "Ouch", I say. "I thought you were following a signal!".

"Yeah, that van got it. What was it?".

"I don't know. They were... funny".

"Funny? Wha- let me see", he says, snapping the phone from my hands. "Oooh, yeah", his voice goes all up. "Look at that! They're waving!", he cheers.

"The fat just walks away", I quote from today's presentation. "I just didn't expect that to be so literal".

"Well, now that we know what we're dealing with, it's going to be easier to locate what the signal actually does", he says, sprinting. "Back to the Tardis, then".

I tug my black wool cap and start walking, but after just a few steps I hear the Doctor stopping. I turn around just in time to see his eyes divert quickly from my legs to the space around his head.

Was he just. Checking me out. Well, I do look good, told ya.

"What's with the spy attire?", he asks, frowning.

"Oh", I check at my all black outfit. "Just, because. You know, self-confidence boost. Dress for the part, that sort of thing. I was here to spy after all, wasn't I?".

He giggles. "I bet in school you were the kind of student who got good grades after being constantly told she had the skills but not enough drive".

I stop. What the hell. "And what's that supposed to mean?".

He's finally by my side, walks just past me. "Just, it's no middle way for you. You either don't even try or you put all yourself into it", he smiles.

Wow, he really doesn't get it. And I hate always pointing out how rude he can be. "That's not funny, Doctor", I say sternly, as I walk past him, opening the Tardis.

"Oi! Zoe!", he calls, following me. "Look, I didn't mean- you're doing good, the earpieces work just fine and the video is really going to be helpful- oh, seriously?". The Tardis seems to be on my side, because she slams the doors right in his face.

When he enters, I'm already uploading the video to the console computer.

"Look", I point at the screen. "The bio-flip switch must have been-".

"Zoe", he calls me.

"I mean, that's how it works, isn't it? Humans take those pills, and the signal must galvanize the fat cells into those creatures, How come no one has seen them, though? Are they timed, or-".

"Zoe, I'm sorry", he says, folding his coat, interrupting my attempt to ignore him.

I groan, looking to the ceiling. "Don't you think I feel guilty enough without you joking about it? Can't you at least appreciate the fact that I'm trying-", he's suddenly spinning me to force me to look at him, which I really don't want to do. Damn, his eyes. Fuck. Take your hands off my shoulders, Doctor.

"Zoe", he says, lowering his voice. "I've already told you, what happened to Astrid was not your fault".

That's it, I'm _so_ done. I throw my jacket to the railing and make my way to my room, slamming the door behind me. I kick the floor in frustration, making a stupid growling sound, then throw myself on the bed, groaning. I hear the Tardis buzzing in my mind. I know what I need.

I storm out of the room until I reach the library, where I strip my clothes off and dive into the swimming pool. I love this place. Swimming pool and books in the same place. Just brilliant. Although, I don't know how the books don't get ruined by humidity.

Swimming clears my head, the constant flux of thoughts that dooms over a Time Lord's brain all the time seems to calm down until I can only hear my heartbeats. Their sound is so rhythmic, though, it still makes me think about the Master and his drums. I'm having headaches lately, they occur almost every time I try to communicate telepathically with the Doctor. Which, needless to say, doesn't work yet. Still. Right now, I'd rather not communicate at all with _that_ - no, Zoe, no. Calm down. Water is good. Water is soothing.

It's half an hour later, I think, when I hear the Doctor's steps echoing through the hall. I look up with just my eyes above water and I see him, his grim look as he gets to the nearest sofas to the poolside and puts down a tray with two mugs of steaming tea. I dive underwater again, thinking. Can I put this conversation on hold forever? I doubt it.

I finally swim to his side, spotting him just standing there, waiting.

We look straight into each other's eye, then I push on my wrists and climb out of the pool.

"I...", he mutters. "I wish you didn't...", he says, turning around abruptly until he spots a silk robe hanging on an armchair. I smirk smugly as I see him literally running to it and throwing it behind his back without looking at me. "_Pleeease?_".

I tie the dressing gown and sigh as I sit down on the sofa. "You can turn now", I groan.

He sits at the other end of the sofa. "I made some tea".

We both know this is how it works. I tease him, he makes tea. They're our signals to tell each other it's ok to break the tension. Not that it makes it easier.

I close my eyes in frustration, thinking about our earlier bicker. I'm still a bit mad that he can be so thick. "Astrid?", I repeat, slowly. "_Astrid_?", I insist, then, raising my voice. "I'm sorry about her too, sure, but can't you see I wish I had a way to atone for everything I did _before_?".

He looks at me with grave eyes, silently for a while, and he doesn't speak until his third sip of tea. "We'll have to share the blame for that, if you insist on feeling guilty. But I'm actually the one who should have seen it coming, and a long, long, time ago", he adds putting down his mug. "I was fooled by a perception filter and now _you're_ paying the consequences. That...", he says reassuringly, pulling me to him, until my breath is caught between his jacket and his arm and his chin rests on my head, "That's not fair. That was my fault, and the Master's fault. Maybe Chloe's. But, not _yours_". He says, lifting his head up to look at me. It doesn't convince me, but I let out a breath, as if that's just what I needed to hear. "Okay?".

"...'kay", I whisper, not really believing it. "I just feel like... I'm torn, Doctor. Everyday, all the time, _all the time_, I ask myself, what If I never unlocked that watch? Why did I open it?...".

"Zoe", he says, still holding me. "That watch didn't just hide him. It was hiding you too". I close my eyes, trying to weight his words. "Would you rather have stayed human and never know the truth?".

I take a step back. "It was different for you, Doctor. John Smith only lived three months, not exactly a lifetime", I point. "And he didn't want to change either".

I pull myself back into the corner, tightening the dressing gown. He looks at me, like he's studying, searching for hints. Then he suddenly stands up, looking around, scratching his head, his eyes running through the shelves.

"Oh!", he finally says, and walks away.

I throw my hands in the air, then finally take a resigned sip of tea.

He's back after a minute, flipping a book in his hands. "Here", he says, giving it to me before sitting down.

I run my hand over the dusty cover. I can't say a word in Gallifreyan, but as my fingers trace the circular writing on the cover, it makes sense. Like reading Braille, I suppose. _Legends, fairytales, scary stories and other truths. _So Time Lords were witty in book titles too.

"It's not much", he warns me. "But it's a starting point, and you should learn more about guardianship".

I drop the book into my lap, turning to him.

"Sooner or later, when you think you're ready, you should start searching for answers", he says gravely, patting my shoulder. "I know it's scary, you don't have to rush it. Take your time, but... at some point you'll have to do it".

"It is scary", I agree.

"I know", he admits. "But... I never understood what was going on with you until we went to Malcassairo, and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry", he shakes his head.

Wow, what a cheery happy pair we make. So I'm the thick one, after all. Still, him carrying this burden of guilt on himself too doesn't completely lift it from me. Gosh, the gloom in the Tardis is tangible. Astrid's presence really might have improved the mood. Wonder if there's anyone else who'd jump on board with the desperate task of cheering us up.

* * *

**trivia of today: **

**-Zoe's overall look in this adventure is inspired by Mary in Sherlock's last episode, although more punk-ish. ;)**

**I think I'll have an update tomorrow too, not so sure about the weekend. **


	7. Chapter 6

**_A/N Thanks to_**** TimeLadyHope ****_and_**** TardisData ****_for following!_**

* * *

**chapter 6**

Lights out. I'm ready to finally get out, when I hear a whispering voice.

"_Not now_".

Great. So someone else is hiding here. And talking on the phone, apparently.

"_I can't. I'm busy!_". Sounds ridicolous since it's barely audible, but I have the feeling I know this voice.

"_I'm in church_", the woman blurts. "_Praying_". The annoyed tone reminds me of Donna. Funny too, because just yesterday, for a minute I thought I saw her outside Stacy's house.

"We know you're in here, so why don't you make this nice and easy and show yourself? I'm waiting. I warn you, I'm not a patient woman. Now, out you come". Miss Foster, the woman who held the press conference yesterday, is talking, accompanied by the not-reassuring sound of firearms clicking. "Right. We'll do it the hard way. Get her."

I hear the cubicle doors being kicked, one after the other. I can't believe I'm going to get caught. _Again_. And that the Doctor will have _rescue Zoe_ on top of his problems. _Again_. Wait, what if they're here for the other woman? Suppose if they get her first I'm the one who should try to rescue her.

"There you are", Miss Foster says with a happy voice. Luckily my cubicle is still shut.

"I've been through the records, Foster, and all of your results have been faked. There's something about those pills you're not telling us", a voice says, and it's not the one I heard before. Three is a crowd? They should change the doorsign from "ladies' room" to "hiding place".

"Oh, I think I'll be conducting this interview, Penny". Now, Penny, Penny, _Penny_? Oh, right, she's the inquisitive journalist from yesterday.

I wait until her protesting voice goes past the door, then I follow them, hiding behind plants and waste bins mastering my inner ninja - I used to complain a lot about the Doctor sneaking upon people (especially myself, okay) without anyone noticing, and I don't know if it's actually a Time Lord thing or if I'm just getting better after all these investigation, but I have to admit it's a pretty useful talent to have. They're going upstairs, so I take another flight of stairs to reach the upper floor, while I hear someone - the other hiding with me and Penny, I believe, going directly after them.

And, it becomes clearer when I reach the same door she's snooping from, she actually is Donna Noble. It's Donna!

As I creep my head up to the round window to eavesdrop on Penny and Miss Foster, she suddenly becomes aware of my presence with a startled look. Wow, I'm really getting good at the sneaking thing. My face is just inches away from hers and she just noticed.

I quickly smile and put a finger on my lips to keep her quiet, but she looks terrified.

Because, clearly, she doesn't know me.

With the corner of my eye I see Miss Foster turn towards us, so I crouch, pulling at Donna's jacket so she follows me. She's not very happy about it and tries to shake me off, still looking worried and concerned, but then turns to the door window again.

I groan, and as we pop again, I spot the Doctor. He's on a window cleaning cradle, holding a stethoscope to the window. He spots me too and his face turns confused, his eyes drawing between me and Donna, who's happily cheering.

So she doesn't know me but she knows the Doctor.

There's a weird conversation with gestures going on between Donna and the Doctor, from which I understand she's been following the weird alien things happening on Earth, looking for him. He looks puzzled and seem to ask if me and Donna know each other, to which she shakes her head and looks at me curiously, and before I can tell anything I notice Miss Foster looking sharlpy at us.

"Are we interrupting you?", she asks, and I see the Doctor sonicking the door, mouthing _run_! to us. I take Donna's hand and start running, but as we reach the staircase, I head downstairs while she goes up, initially surprised.

"Oh, well, fine, laters", I say, letting her go. If I'm right, the Doctor is getting her. I'm heading to the cupboard where we've been trying to hack the tower circuit since yesterday - maybe I can stop the signal now that Miss Foster carefully explained the whole thing.

I run as fast as I can until I'm finally in the basement. I throw out everything that's in the cupboard, mops, buckets, ladders, when a loud disturbing soundwave stops me. And, this time it wasn't a headache.

I finally get to the end wall, patting it until the sliding door is unlocked, and I study the circuit tower, which, since I'm always so lucky, is already activating. Probably Miss Foster accessed it from upstairs too.

There's a lot of cables. And, maybe I could stop the inducer signal if only I had the Doctor's screwdriver. Which of course I don't. All I can do is electrocute the doors, because I have the feeling the Doctor is being followed by guards.

I quickly check the system and strip two cables, still a bit surprised that I can read the circuit so easily. I pop my head in the hallway, calling.

"Doctor!".

I hear running, followed by his voice. "Now!". I connect the cables and hear the guards' growling cries.

An instant later, he's by my side. With Donna. Who's staring at me.

"This Bond villain with you?", she asks. I giggle.

"Well done, Zoe", he says to me, then explains to her what we're doing, handing me a pen, at which I look confused. "We've been hacking into this thing all day, because the matron's got a computer core running through the centre of the building. Triple deadlocked. But now we've got her sonic pen, so we can get into it".

"Nice", I say, without looking at him, pointing the pen at the wires. He crouches down by my side.

"You look older", Donna says, looking at him.

"Thanks".

"Not on your own anymore, then", she says, nodding at my direction. I wonder when these two met.

"Yup. Well, no. I, we had this friend. Martha, she was called. Martha Jones. She was brilliant. And I destroyed half her life. But she's fine, she's good. She's gone".

"What about Rose?". So Donna knows about Rose too?

"Still lost", he admits warily. He hands me another wire. "I thought you were going to travel the world?", he asks her inquisitively.

"Easier said then done. It's like I had that one day with you, and I was going to change. I was going to do so much. Then I woke up the next morning, same old life". She sounds so serious, and sad. "It's like you were never there. And I tried. I did try. I went to Egypt. I was going to go barefoot and everything. And then it's all bus trips and guidebooks and _don't drink the water_, and two weeks later you're back home. It's nothing like being with you. I must have been mad turning down that offer".

"What offer?", he says half-absentmindedly. I'm wiring the things here but I'm sure he's checking my work to make sure we don't all blow up.

"To come with you".

"Come with me?", he repeats, puzzled.

"Oh yes, please", Donna accepts what wasn't really an offer, and I can't help but laugh a little.

"...Right", he says.

_Inducer activated_, goes the computer. The Doctor scrambles by my side.

"What's it doing now?", Donna asks.

"She's started the programme", I reply. "So far they've been just losing weight, but the Matron's gone up to emergency pathogenesis".

Donna understands. "And that's when they convert...".

"Skeletons, organs, everything. A million people are going to die. Got to cancel the signal", the Doctor says, taking the capsule pendant from his pocket to dismantle it.

"The primary signal", I say, as he hands me the stripped wire from the capsule for me to connect it. "If we can switch it off, the fat goes back to being just fat".

I wire it to the inducer, almost surprised it works, when the computer cuts my satisfaction, announcing _inducer increased_.

"No, no, no, no, no. She's doubled it. I need... Haven't got time. It's too far. You can't override it. They're all gonna die!"

The Doctor is right. Fast as we run, we'd never get to the ground floor in time to get another capsule, to boost the override.

"Is there anything I can do?", Donna asks, as the Doctor starts hitting switches madly.

"Sorry, this is way beyond you. Got to double the base pulse, I can't...".

"Doctor, Zoe, tell me. What do you need?", Donna insists. Is that a smirk?

"I need a second-".

"Donna, do you have a capsule?", I cut him. She smugly swings it in the Doctor's face before dropping it in my hand, as his surprise turns to cheer.

"There you go", I say as the inducer finally shuts down. "Thanks".

She smiles at me, still a little unsure. "How do you know my name?". Slipping things? A Time Lord common trait, then.

"You've said it just now", I blabber. "Or, the Doctor did. I just heard you".

She glares, while the Doctor looks at me suspiciously. "I didn't-".

"You must have. I don't know you, how else would I have known? It's not such a common name that I could have guessed it. I mean if your name was Mary, or Anne, or... Ginger..." Blabbering? Another common trait. A loud noise interrupts my attempt to shake the name incident off.

"What the hell is that?", Donna whispers, looking up.

"That must be the nursery", I say, standing up.

"When you say _nursery,_ you don't mean a crèche in Notting Hill".

"Nursery ship", the Doctor adds, looking around.

The computer lights up again. _Incoming signal_. Alien language...

"Hadn't we better go and stop them?", Donna says worriedly looking at us, as the Doctor tries to silence her.

"Hang on".

"Instructions from the Adiposian First Family", I state.

"She's wired up the tower block to convert it into a levitation post", the Doctor translates. "Oooh. Oh. We're not the ones in trouble now. She is!", he says, running out of the cupboard.

"What you going to do then? Blow them up?", Donna asks as we catch our breath once on the roof, looking up as one million Adipose - Adiposes? Adipose puppies?- are beamed up to the spaceship.

The Doctor makes a surprised noise. "They're just children! They can't help where they come from".

"Oh, that makes a change from last time. Guess that Martha must've done you good", she winks at me.

"She did, yeah. Yeah, she did", he repeats, then smirks smugly. "She fancied me". He adds.

"Mad Martha, that one. Blind Martha. Charity Martha", Donna jokes, then waves at the happy fat toddlers. "I'm waving at fat", she adds.

"Actually, as a diet plan, it sort of works", the Doctor says, as he spots Miss Foster floating upwards. "There she is!".

She stops at roof level.

"Matron Cofelia, listen to me", the Doctor says.

"Oh, I don't think so, Doctor. And if I never see you again, it'll be too soon".

"Oh, why does no one ever listen. He's trying to help", I moan.

"Just get across to the roof. Can you shift the levitation beam?", the Doctor insists.

"What, so that you can arrest me?".

"Just listen. I saw the Adiposian instructions. They know it's a crime, breeding on Earth. So what's the one thing they want to get rid of? Their accomplice".

"I'm far more than that. I'm nanny to all these children". Nope. She doesn't get it.

"Exactly! Mum and Dad have got the kids now. They don't need the nanny anymore". I tell her, just as the levitation beam switches off. She stands in mid air for an instant, like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon, then falls with a scream and a _splat_ while the spaceship flies away.

As soon as we're finally out the building, I take the cap off, ruffling my hair. The Doctor walks past me and throws the sonic pen into a waste bin. "Ehi!", I protest, but he's distracted by Penny, the journalist, who's - again - tied to a chair.

"I'm going to report you for... madness!", she's still screaming as we leave.

"You see, some people just can't take it", Donna states.

"No", the Doctor agrees.

"And some people can. So, then. Tardis! Come on!", Donna cheers. She's genuinely excited, but the Doctor looks a bit reluctant. Should I tell him I know her?

"That's my car! That is like destiny!", she happily smiles as we turn into the alleyway where the Tardis is parked. "And I've been ready for this", she says, sprinting to open the boot.

"I packed ages ago, just in case. Because I thought, hot weather, cold weather, no weather. He goes anywhere. I've gotta be prepared", she lists, and before we know, the Doctor and I are holding bags and boxes.

"You've got a- a _hatbox_", the Doctor states, hesitantly. I can't help but laugh.

"Planet of the Hats, I'm ready. I don't need injections, do I? You know, like when you go to Cambodia. Is there any of that? Because my friend Veena went to Bahrain, and she...", she slows down, stopping at the Tardis door to look at him. "You're not saying much".

"No, it's just... We're still adjusting, in the Tardis", he says. I stay silent even if it sounds like he's using me as a scapegoat, because I have a good feeling of how this is going to end.

"You don't want me", she states, sadly.

"I'm not saying that".

"But you asked me. Would you two rather be on your own?".

"No", he says flatly. "Actually, no", he remarks. "But, Zoe... she's... we're, adjusting, long story. But the last time, with Martha, like I said, it... it got complicated. And that was all my fault", he admits, honeslty. "I just want a mate".

The sudden switch from sad to offended on Donna's face makes it clear that she misheard. I gulp back a giggle as she repeats, unbelievingly, from the Tardis door, "you just want t_o mate_?".

"I just want a mate!".

"Well I don't know what's the deal between you and Mata Hari there, but you're not mating with me, sunshine!", she blurts, waving her hand around.

"_A_ mate. I want _a_ mate!", the Doctor spells. It's all hilarious. I'm covering my face with my hands.

"Well, just as well, because I'm not having any of that nonsense. I mean, you're just a long streak of... nothing. You know, alien nothing", she gestures at the Doctor's skinny suit.

"There we are, then", he agrees. "Okay".

"I can come?", she repeats, just to make sure.

"Yeah. Course you can, yeah. We'd love it", he finally smiles, as he walks closer to hug her. She beams at him, and winks at me.

"Oh, that's just- car keys", she cuts before hugging him.

"What?".

"I've still got my mum's car keys. I won't be a minute", she says, running off.

I pick up two trolleys and start lugging them to the Tardis. "_We'd_ love?", I repeat.

"Oh, please", he groans. "I mean, you tried, but it's obvious you've already met her".

Damn. So close! "And I thought that was going so smooth", I shake my head.

"Really though, are you okay with her coming along?".

"Okay? I was this close to put an ad on Gumtree, or or stapling flyers around to find someone else to come along".

He laughs. "Poor Donna, two Time Lords", he nods, putting down the last suitcase. "We'll be fine, then? Because with Martha...", he starts, tugging his earlobe.

"Doctor", I stop and look at him. "We'll be fine. Tell you what, I'll go as far as look for that swimming suit I'm sure the Tardis saved for me".

He giggles, groaning. "Come on, go get her".

I walk back to the police line outside the Adipose building, and I see her talking to someone I can't quite properly see, so when Donna comes back with me I turn to check again, and then I'm sure, I'm _sure_ it's her, and I kinda see her looking at me, and I want to call, or say something, but before I start wondering if she's here with the Doctor, if she hasn't even met him yet, and if she knows me, I see her disappearing, fading so fast I wonder if I did in fact see her at all.

* * *

_**So, welcome Donna! trivias for you in return for your nice nice nice reviews:**_

_**-Zoe's room on the Tardis is the same one she used to share with Martha. Except now Martha's bed is covered in clothes because Zoe isn't very tidy. **_

_**-Zoe understands alien languages because of the Tardis translating. I suppose when the Doctor says he knows five million languages, it's because he studied them in the very impressive Time Lord Academy (I mean, if there's an academy it must mean they aren't born smug know-it-all and they must have had something to study, don't you think?)**_

_**I'll try my best to update soon, enjoy the weekend you lovely people! **_


	8. Chapter 7

**_A/N sorry about the delay. I promise I'll try to keep a schedule. I just suddenly had to, well, work. Sad but true :)_**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

It's tricky, Time Lords' intuition. I know how to make this work, but my hands don't seem able to execute what I'm thinking.

Donna leans over my shoulder. "Aren't you done with the arts & crafts yet?", she asks as I burn my fingertip for the tenth time with the soldering iron. I quickly suck on it, then wave it in the air.

"Not quite done, no", I say.

"Here, I brought you some tea", she says, stepping back from the desk and dropping herself into an armchair.

"Thanks", I nod, putting down the screwdriver and turning to look at her. She gives me a faint smile. She doesn't look like one to hold a grudge, but I can sense she's still studying me.

"Listen, I...", she says, cautiously. "What I said, I didn't mean...".

"I know", I interrupt.

"Oh, of course _you know_. Let me apologize, please", she protests. No shutting up Donna when she's set on saying something. "I was just a little emotional, I didn't want to judge you".

I turn, looking at her as she picks up her Agatha Christie book, still gesturing around.

"You know, the Doctor told me your story. Or at least part of it, I assume".

I giggle bitterly. "Oh, I'd love to hear his side. I can't quite figure it out myself".

"Innit? Blimey, girl, you're messed up", she jokes.

"I know. Do you happen to know how to help me?", I ask smiling.

"Course I do. I just brought you tea, didn't I?", she winks.

I can't be glad enough that at least she's trying to get past the disappointment, unlike Martha did. But I know that even if she's pretending everything's okay, we both know things have been said.

Because, everything was cheer and laughter and games as soon as Donna joined the Tardis, but what happened in Pompeii really seems to have brought the eerie mood back; as far as first trips go, that was not a nice happy one. None of us could have anticipated that, Time Lords or not.

For starters, we were supposed to land in Rome. Rome, not Pompeii. Sure, close enough if you look at it in terms of _the whole of time and space_. But still, big difference. Just like Donna said, seven hills, not one single big mountain. Don't even get me started on how lousy is the Doctor at piloting. And, need I remind that we lost the Tardis? _Again_?

Thinking about it, that's when everything started going downwards.

"Ha. I've got it. Foss Street's this way", the Doctor had said once we three almost crashed into one another at a crossroad after looking for it on our own.

"No. Well, I found this big sort of amphitheatre thing. We can start there. We can gather everyone together. Maybe they've got a great big bell or something we could ring. Have they invented bells yet?". Because of course Donna wanted to warn the city. I should have realized right then things were not going to go well.

"What do you want a bell for?", the Doctor said. I mean, not going to be easy, especially if he wanted to keep acting so cynical, other than the usual oblivious.

"To warn everyone. Start the evacuation. What time does Vesuvius erupt? When's it due?", Donna insisted, I cringed a little.

"It's 79AD, twenty third of August, which makes volcano day tomorrow", he explained.

"Plenty of time. We could get everyone out easy".

"Yeah, except we're not going to", he stated coldly, and I was taken aback. I knew what he meant, of course, but still, the fact that we couldn't change what happened there didn't really make the decision to leave any easier. I knew for a fact we couldn't do anything different, but I still wish we could have.

"But that's what you do. You're the Doctor. You save people".

"Not this time", I said. "Pompeii is a fixed point in history, isn't it?", I asked him, interrupting their banter.

"What happens, happens. There is no stopping it", the Doctor explained.

"Says who?", Donna blurted.

"Says _me_", he said authoritatively. Like it mattered to Donna.

"What, and you're in charge?", she smirked.

"Tardis, Time Lord, yeah", he smirked back.

"Donna, human, _no_", she protested. "What about you?", she asked me.

"I do what the Doctor says we do", I said that because I didn't want to say out loud that there was nothing we could do, but Donna misinterpreted that.

"You _what_? Weren't yourself a human up until minutes ago? Now you're just going to let people die because you moved into the _impressive know-it-all aliens_ team?", she was so upset, and it made me upset too.

The Doctor groaned loudly beside us. "My feelings don't change the fact he knows better", I managed to say, even if what Donna said was pretty stingy. And somehow true.

"So what? You going to let him boss you around like that?", she snapped.

"He's not bossing me around!" I protested, loudly. "I am a Time Lord too, and he's right. This is fixed, nothing we can do about it!", I insisted, even if my voice did lower a bit by the end of the sentence.

"Well some _humans_ have to stand up to him. Funny though, from what he told me, you used to do just that. Whatever. I don't need your permission. I'll tell them myself".

Boy, that was... sharp. My impressive know-it-all alien brain told me I wasn't crying because there's something in a Time Lord biology that apparently turns every hint of showing any emotion into a cold blank stare. I recognize that from the Doctor. That's what he does. So I didn't cry, I didn't have any tears, I just stood there, silent, pretending what she said didn't matter, because, well, just because it's easier to pretend it doesn't matter.

"You stand in the market place announcing the end of the world, they'll just think you're a mad old soothsayer. Now, come on. Tardis. We are getting out of here", he had said, firmly.

"Well, I might just have something to say about that, Spaceman", Donna repeated.

And even now, I can't help but wonder how much I've changed. Because Donna was right, I used to stand up to him, tell him what I thought, express what I needed to express. I was the one who _might just have something to say about that_.

And now... I suppose it's part of growing, but I'm still scared of what I can do, so I'm usually keeping my mouth shut and following the Doctor no matter what.

Bacuase I used to be human, but now, being a Time Lord made me more clever but not necessarily wiser. Sometimes I'm terrified at the idea of what my brain can do. And I think the Doctor is too, even if he doesn't say it.

Clearly he's conflicted about me being his friend who he cares about, but still a product of his nemesis. He didn't really say it aloud, but I know we share the fear I might do something incredibly crazy and unhinged and probably evil because that's where my mind comes from.

But I know. Because when I first asked him the Master's laser screwdriver, he didn't look too happy about me tinkering with it. I had to insist. _A lot_. But I managed to convince him that having a device of my own could be good and useful for the both of us. Since there's been a lot of times when I was just, well, _stuck_, because we have to share his sonic screwdriver. Which he isn't happy about either, sharing his beloved sonic. So, he reluctantly agreed.

Actually, since I can't even get rid of the isomorphic controls, he probably only agreed because he thought I couldn't make it work.

I twist it into my hands. How he even made it, it's unbelievable. Such a brilliant mind. Maybe I should be even more scared than what I actually am. Because it's my biggest wish, and at the same time, my biggest fear, that he might be back someday.

Of course the fact that now there's even a prophecy about it didn't really help me relax about it.

"Doctor. That's your name", Evelina had said.

"How did you know that?", the Doctor asked, surprised. Well I know soothsayers and fortune tellers have all tricks to make you believe they really know stuff, but that was a little specific.

"You and your companion, made from time", she added, staring ahead of herself, not that I didn't know she was talking about me.

"And you. You call yourself Noble". Well, a little _too_ specific. That was really creepy.

"You all come from so far away", she kept going, even after her mother insisted she stopped.

"The female soothsayer is inclined to invent all sorts of vagaries", the Augur, Lucius, said then.

"Oh, not this time, Lucius", the Doctor said.

"No, I reckon you've been out-soothsayed", I added.

"Is that so, people from Gallifrey?". Now _that_ really creeped the both of us out.

"What?", the Doctor asked, merely surprised, I suppose more concerned about how he knew rather than what he was really saying.

"The strangest of images. Your home is lost in fire, is it not?", he insisted.

"Doctor, what are they doing?", Donna asked, clearly freaking out too.

"And you, daughter of London", Lucius kept on.

Donna was now scared, I think. "...How does he know that?".

"This is the gift of Pompeii. Every single oracle tells the truth", the Augur replied, smugly.

"That's impossible", Donna said then.

And then came the weird prophecies.

"Doctor, she is returning".

"Who is? Who's she?", he asked, and I wondered if he could refer to Rose. Because that could mean I really saw her, back home outside Adipose Industries.

But then, I didn't give it much thought because then he said to me, "And you won't be able to save the one you fear the most".

"And you, daughter of London. There is something on your back", he said to Donna.

"What's that mean?".

"Even the word Doctor is false. Your real name is hidden. It burns in the stars, in the Cascade of Medusa herself. You, and the child with no name, you are Lords, sir. Lords of Time".

I'm sure the Doctor shivered just as much as I did.

As much as I'd like to keep my human feelings and emotions, I am a Time Lord. No escape from that. But I couldn't help but envy Donna, back then. Because everytime I think I'm doing okay and that I'm not really the mess I believe I am, something happens or someone says something just to remind me that even if I'm not human anymore, I'm not really a Time Lord.

I don't even have a name.

And... the one I fear the most? Will I... try and fail to save the Master?

* * *

_**As it's been explained to me, by the lovely skarosianlifeform, there are so many informations I don't have. Maybe I should use my time to watch Classic Who instead of writing fanfiction? Anyway, the five million language thing, I think there's a point where Nine says that. But I could easily be mistaken, who knows. Whatever, trivia time!**_

_**-I've decided that when time reversed on the Valiant after the gollum-like Doctor became himself with the help of Martha, the laser screwdriver was left around there and the Doctor picked it up. Why? well, because I want Zoe to have it. **_

_**-I imagine the Tardis library furnished a bit like Eight's Tardis console room, except much bigger and with a big olympic swimming pool at the center. But still, nice and posh antique furnishing, chaiselongues, brocade sofas, that sort of stuff. Lots of gold and red and carpets and tapestry.**_

_**That's all, next chapter tomorrow. Thanks again!**_


	9. Chapter 8

_Thanks to _IndigoMona_ for the follow/fav! _

* * *

**Chapter 8**

_Ouch_, I cry again, as my hand gets burnt again. I consider putting the damn thing aside for a minute, dropping it on the desk, stretching on the chair until I'm leaning on its back.

I pick up the teleport bracelet, twisting it in my hands.

"Would you mind?", the Doctor says, suddenly appearing at my side. "This desk is an original high timberwork from Gallifrey itself, go burn stuff somewhere else", he frowns at me.

"Really", I say, popping the chair back on its four, leaning on the desk. "So these multiple circles are part of an ancient design?", I smirk, running my fingers over the lines. "Because they look oddly similar to regular teacup stains to me".

Donna laughs. "Busted, Doctor".

"Well, wheter _I_ use coasters or not on _my_ desk, in _my_ Tardis, isn't for you to discuss. I'm sure the Tardis will make a room for your... tinkering" he says, gesturing widely, "so that you can experiment with science beyond you and build whatever you want without damaging ancient artifacts", he scolds.

I blink. "Rude", I say. "And low, really. _Science beyond you_?" I repeat, standing up, gathering my mess. "But still, you have a point", I say dramatically, swiftly turning my head so that my fringe waves following, and I make my way back to the hallway.

As I walk, I hear Donna protest. "Go apologize", she orders. I stop, turning quietly, but they don't notice me.

"But-".

"Nope. Go apologize", she says with a scolding tone I'm learning to recognize easily. "She's not your pet".

I'm going now to find the room the Tardis has for me because I know that room exists, but actually that looked like again, I was just following the Doctor's lead.

Which is the reassuring and easy way, because I trust him with my life, but I want to do more. _Be_ more. That's why I'm trying to make something out of all this engineering genius ideas. Because so far, it's not like the Doctor can actually count on me.

He told me of how he met Rose, once, and Martha, and Donna, recently. They all did something to help him, one way or another. They've been travelling with him because he needed them. Me... gosh, I started travelling with him because he was afraid of what I would do by myself. He actually said he was _abducting_ me, for Rassilon's sake. No wonder he doesn't really rely on me.

Even down in the escape pod under mount Vesuvius, I mean, all I could do was literally give him a hand.

"But if it's aliens setting off the volcano, doesn't that make it all right for you to stop it?", Donna asked.

"Still part of history", the Doctor said dismissively.

"But I'm history to you. You saved me in 2008. You saved us all. Why is that different?", she insisted.

"Some things are fixed, some things are in flux. Pompeii is fixed", I said.

I really get it now, the fixed points thing. I was really feeling very Time-Lordy there, I even got the _name yourself planet of origin blah blah Shadow Proclamation blah_ pledge right, just minutes before. And I came up with the water pistol, which was really cool of me, even if the Doctor gave me his usual warning look as he always does when he sees weapons in my hands.

"How do you know which is which?", Donna asked, glancing between me and him.

"Because that's how I see the universe. Every waking second, I can see what is, what was, what could be, what must not. That's the burden of a Time Lord, Donna. And I'm the only one left. We are the only ones left".

He corrected himself last second. And I'm sure it's because having me here doesn't really help him, that's what I mean. I don't count, because he still feels the weight of the whole world, of all history on his own lonely skinny shoulders.

"How many people died?", Donna asked.

"Donna, stop it", I begged her.

"Doctor, how many people died?", she insisted.

"Twenty thousand", he finally said. It's a mask we wear, that cold blank gaze, because really, I feel it all. We can't change it, but that doesn't make it right. I feel it all, the Doctor feels it all. He just hides it most of the time.

"Is that what you can see, Doctor? All twenty thousand? And you think that's all right, do you?", Donna asked. I'm still getting to know her, but it's as if she can really see through the mask sometimes.

And just as I could feel what he was feeling then, even if we didn't say anything to each other, when he said _It's worse than that_, I knew he was thinking the same thing I was thinking. We both could see the timeline wrapping on us, leading to what happened later.

"The energy converter takes the lava, uses the power to create a fusion matrix, which welds Pyrovile to human. Now it's complete, they can convert millions", I explained.

"But can't you change it with these controls?".

"Of course I can, but don't you see? That's why the soothsayers can't see the volcano. There is no volcano. Vesuvius is never going to erupt. The Pyrovile are stealing all its power. They're going to use it to take over the world". Again, I saw his mask begin to crumble.

"But you can change it back?". The Doctor looked at me with a knowing look. He didn't have to tell _me_, but he still owed Donna an explanation.

"I can invert the system, set off the volcano, and blow them up, yes. But, that's the choice, Donna. It's Pompeii or the world".

"Oh my God", she finally said, realizing.

"If Pompeii is destroyed then it's not just history, it's _me_. I make it happen", he almost whispered then, frantic.

I stepped in. "Not you, _us_. We make it happen", I corrected him. It wasn't like letting him do it by himself would make me feel less guilty. And I think he needed someone else to do it with him.

"Doctor, the Pyrovile are made of rocks. Maybe they can't be blown up", Donna was saying, still hoping for a way to avoid the eruption.

"Vesuvius explodes with the force of twenty four nuclear bombs. Nothing can survive it. Certainly not us", he said, looking quickly at the both of us.

"Never mind us", Donna said, bravely, tears in her eyes.

"Push this lever and it's over", the Doctor said, not hiding his pain anymore. "Twenty thousand people", he said gravely, his hands stiffening on the stone lever. His eyes again wondered desperately between mine and Donna's, and we both placed our hands on top of his.

Donna gave us both a symphatethic look, and together, the three of us, we pushed down the lever.

Boom. Pompeii, gone.

And of course we didn't know our trap was in fact an escape pod, so she was indeed brave. I've admitted to myself quite some time ago that I would follow the Doctor into death if it was necessary, but Donna, _Donna_, I mean. She didn't have to do that. She could have stubbornly insisted for another way out, but she didn't. She stood there and destroyed Pompeii with us not knowing if we were going to survive, and she didn't bat an eyelash.

So after what we'd been through it was only fair that we let that family ride the Tardis outside of town and let Donna save them, at least. She needed to do that.

I think we all needed that, saving someone - at least someone - before leaving, not that it compensates for the other twenty thousand people in any way, but just to see her smile with them... totally worth it.

What's not really worth it is having this amazing atelier all to myself when I can't even manage to open the damn screwdriver. I toss it on the desk, picking up the teleport bracelet from the Titanic again.

"You'd need a piece of the Tardis core to do that", the Doctor's voice stops me from the doorway.

"Do what?", I ask. "Am I shouting telepathically now?".

"No", he replies, rubbing a finger over his eyelid as he hangs onto the doorframe, studying the room. "Turn it into a vortex manipulator, isn't that what you're thinking? You could do it with a piece of the Tardis core, maybe".

"Really?", I ask, puzzled. "Isn't that science beyond me?", I quote.

"Sorry about that. Really", he says, walking closer to me. "I don't know what's gotten into me lately. Anyway, yes, I think you could do it. But what would you need it for? You already have that useless Time Ring that's going to work someday, although you don't need it, as long as you're here".

"I'm here, yeah", I repeat, looking at the floor, thinking. "You know, _I'm here_", I stress.

"Yeah", he said, his voice still shaking a little.

"I mean, I know I can't even pretend to be on the same ground as you, but... what you said in Pompeii... your unique way of seeing the world, that's not unique anymore. I see things the same way".

He groans, as if trying to find something to say to dismiss my pride without sounding too rude again.

"I _will_ find a way to do more than just hold your hand, Doctor. You're not the last of the Time Lords anymore", I said, looking at him.

He opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn't say anything. "Whatever you say, I'll follow. But... just know you don't have to take those decisions alone anymore. You're not alone anymore, because there's me. I'm here for you", I say, shaking. What did I say about Time Lords' trouble in expressing their emotions?

He holds my hand and clings to it, letting out a breath.

"You're here, yeah", he repeats, with a hint of sadness, as he lets go of my hand and hugs me slowly, and even if I can't see his look as he buries my face in his chest, dropping a quick kiss on my hair before resting his chin on the top of my head. "But you're not here for me".

I draw back, quickly. He lets me go, but he's like he's holding me still by the way he stares into my eyes. For an instant, I think he might kiss me. Or, that _I_ might kiss him. Show him I want to be here for him, too.

Ok, the way he looks at me? It says _I want to kiss you so badly but we both know it's not a good idea so best leave it at that._

And, I'm not imagining things, because he blinks, and then says:

"I guess we could try to make this work, together, but... this", he gestures between me and him, "this is not the way it's meant to be".

"I know", I agree, looking down at my suddenly very interesting toes. Anything but looking at him again with that gaze.

"Besides, some... chemistry might help".

"Chemistry? Doctor, I-". I'm confused. It was with the older Doctor, the last time, but the chemistry was _definitely_ there.

"Your entire biology is written for him. He's all over your biological signature, like he left a mark of him in your own TNA".

I'm _really_ confused.

"TNA?".

"Humans have DNA, for Time Lords it's a triple helix. I mean it's complicated, but maybe you could extract the Master bio-signature from your own blood and generate a print to unlock the laser screwdriver".

"...Right".

_Right_. So. Maybe I am misunderstanding. A little, just a _little_ bit. Like, I thought he was talking about the chance of a relationship while he was talking about damn engineering again.

"Good. I'll let you work then", he says, still standing there, just inches away from my dumbfounded face. And he's still looking at me.

"...'kay", I mutter.

He leaves, gesturing awkwardly in a way that really reminds me of his bow-tie wearing regeneration. I sigh heavily. The Tardis buzzes in my head. "Oh stop it", I blurt to the almighty sentient ship, as I sting my finger and watch the blood turn into a small bead. "Give me some medical lab equipment at least".

* * *

**And as always for each review here's a trivia/tip/fact/whatever:**

**-Zoe's lab is not yet what looked like when she worked there before the Apollo, the Tardis just provided her with bare furnishing. It will really become her messy and very personal space only after she spends a little more time in there. In my imagination, it looks more like an artist atelier than a scientific lab, because she's more for experimenting hands-on and building stuff rather than analyzing and collecting data. She's a Leonard, not a Sheldon, if you're TBBT fans. ;)**

**Next chapter is almost done updates should come soon. Or should I wait for a minimum number of reviews? Without telling how many I expect? Ahahah, who knows (evil loki laugh) **


	10. Chapter 9

_**Thanks to **_**AmmoKan**_** and **__** for following/favoriting! I am really surprised every time I get an email from fanfiction (although they still end in my spam folder however I try to avoid that) that people are actually reading and liking what I write. Also sorry for the delay in posting - I started writing thinking I'd had a lot of time but I got caught up with work instead. Still, better that than unemployed...**_

_**Anyway, this is a bit short, I'm afraid. I just don't like to cut the text. **_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Nice!", the Doctor smiles. I don't think the Tardis ever rocks (or rocked? or will rock?) this much when the Master or River, or Amy or, well, basically just anyone who's not the Doctor is (or was? or will be?) piloting. Because he says _nice_, but we're just jumping back and forth. It's not a steady drive at all, but I guess since he's the one teaching me, I can only be this good.

"Where are we going?", Donna asks, while I end up on the jump seat for the third time.

"Set the controls to random", the Doctor nods at me. He looks childishly happy. "Mystery tour. Outside that door could be any planet, anywhere, anywhen in the whole wide _u_- Are you all right?", he suddenly asks, looking at Donna who's almost shaking.

"Terrified. I mean, history's one thing but an alien planet?", she says. I think I recognize that feeling.

"I could always take you home", he offers, joking.

"Yeah, don't laugh at me".

"We know what it's like. Everything you're feeling right now. The fear, the joy, the wonder? I get that".

She looks surprised at the both of us. "Seriously? After all this time?".

"Yeah. Why do you think I keep going?", he smiles.

"Oh. All right then, you and me both. This is barmy", she says, heading for the door while the Doctor picks up his Joplin coat from the coral pillar where it usually sits. "I was born in Chiswick. I've only ever had package holidays. Now I'm here. This is so... I mean it's... I don't know, it's all sort of... I don't even know what the word is!", she says, excited, then pauses right outside. "Oh, I've got the word. _Freezing_".

I zip my black hoodie - the one my friend Paul lent me so long ago - up to the neck, as I follow the Doctor outside. We're on top of a snowy hill, the view is breathtaking.

"Snow! Oh, real snow. Proper snow at last! That's more like it. Lovely. What do you think?", he asks, cheerful.

"Bit cold", Donna says. Fair enough, she's only wearing a sundress.

"Look at that view", the Doctor says, gazing down at some icy ravines where rock bridges look decorated with massive icicles.

"Yep. Beautiful, cold view", Donna repeats.

"Millions of planets, millions of galaxies, and we're on this one. _Molto bene. Bellissimo_, says Donna, born in Chiswick. All you've got is a life of work and sleep, and telly and rent and tax and takeaway dinners, all birthdays and Christmases and two weeks holiday a year, and then you end up here. Donna Noble, citizen of the Earth, standing on a different planet. How about that Donna?".

"She went back", I say, smiling. It's hard not to smile when the Doctor smiles so broadly.

He keeps beaming around, then his eyes stop on me. "It's good to see you smile, you know".

"Likewise", I grin back at him. "You're right, this is beautiful", I add, looking around at the white landscape.

"Sorry, you were saying?", Donna says, joining us - this time wearing a big coat with a fur collared hood. She looks like a posh version of Kenny from South Park.

"Better?", I ask her.

"Lovely, thanks.

"Comfy?", the Doctor asks, hands in his pockets, as we all start walking.

"Yep".

"Can you hear anything inside that?". I doubt it.

"Pardon?".

"All right, I was saying, citizen of the Earth...", he starts, but he's interrupted by a loud noise when a giant space rocket glides slowly above us.

"Rocket! Blimey, a real proper rocket!", Donna whispers, bewildered. "Now that's what I call a spaceship. You've got a _box_, he's got a Ferrari. Come on, lets go see where he's going".

The Doctor stands still for an instant, turning to look at the Tardis, and I bet he's offended by her _you've got a box_. I giggle. "Oh, don't start", he groans, elbowing my side, before following Donna.

It's not properly a road, nor a path, but we're not even in winter wilderness. The view really is beautiful, not something you see in England very often. Wonder if it ever snowed on Gallifrey? I look at the Doctor and Donna, humming Vivaldi's Winter, which makes me giggle because usually classical music is the Doctor's thing. Wow, I really am in a happy mood today. I got the screwdriver working, and we're on a beautiful planet.

I'm following the Doctor and Donna who are chatting away. I like Donna, she's really as great as I thought the first time I met her. And she's good for the Doctor. He really started to smile again only just recently, and Donna's friendship must be the reason.

"Hold on, can you hear that?", the Doctor says as we reach the end of a rock bridge. "Donna, take your hood down".

"What?".

"That noise is like a song".

"Wasn't that Zoe humming very badly?".

He turns to look at me, but I've actually stopped because a sharp sting of headache hit me suddenly. But wait, I'm hearing the _noise which is like a song_.

"Over there", the Doctor sprints, and we follow. This... song is so sad and filled with pain. What is this? And who's... _that_?

"What is it?", Donna asks, lowering on the alien half covered in snow. Is that his voice I'm hearing?

"An Ood. He's called an Ood", the Doctor explains. "Zoe, ever seen one of them befo-are you all right?".

"I don't think so. I don't think I've ever seen one. But I'm fine, just a bit of a headache". Well I did see one of those before, I've drawn one for a tv pilot that never got greenlighted. Always a bit disappointing to find out something I thought I created actually already existed.

"But its face...", Donna says. Well, his face doesn't exactly look all right. But it's just what his species looks like. I'm not a specie-ist.

"Donna, don't. Not now. It's a he, not an _it_. Give me a hand", he instructs Donna.

"Sorry", Donna apologizes.

"I don't know where the heart is. I don't know if he's got a heart. Talk to him, keep him going", he says, looking at him closely.

"It's all right, we've got you. Er, what's your name?", Donna asks.

"Designated Ood Delta 50", the Ood says, his voice coming from the translucent white ball he's holding. He doesn't sound well.

Donna holds the ball into her hands, speaking into it. "My name's Donna".

"No. No, no, no. You don't need to", the Doctor corrects her.

"Sorry. Oh, God. This is the Doctor. Just what you need, a doctor. Couldn't be better, hey?", she says, trying to sound reassuring.

"You've been shot", I say.

"The circle", Ood Delta 50 says. My headache is going worse.

"No, don't try to talk", Donna insists.

"The circle must be broken", the Ood repeats.

"Circle? What do you mean? Delta 50, what circle? Delta 50? What circle?", the Doctor asks impatiently.

Then, all of a sudden, Delta 50 sits up with a roar, and his eyes are red and scary, and before I know I'm drawing the laser screwdriver from my pocket, but even before I aim, the Ood exhales and falls back dead.

"He's gone", Donna says. So is my headache.

"Careful", the Doctor warns her as she tries to soothe the alien.

"There you are, sweetheart", Donna says kindly, but the Doctor is already looking daggers at me. _Of course_ he didn't miss my move.

He opens his hand to me.

I ignore him. Pretend I don't understand what he wants.

"I thought you were fixing that thing", he says, wiggling his fingers.

"I did fix it", I say.

He seems to understand I'm not letting him have it, so he retracts his hand.

"Still looks like a weapon to me", he says with a wary look.

"It's only cautionary", I say.

"Zoe...", he says, tilting his head, the vowels stretching.

"Come on, I wasn't going to shoot him!", I protest. "It was just a precaution".

"We were too late anyway. What do we do, do we bury him?", Donna asks, changing the subject. I'm so glad Donna is here with us.

"The snow'll take care of that", the Doctor says, his focus back on the Ood. I can't believe I'm still surprised as how quickly he can switch his mood from worriedly angry to caring and inquisitive.

"Who was he? What's an Ood?", Donna asks.

"They're servants of humans in the forty second century. Mildly telepathic. That was the song. It was his mind calling out", he says.

"I couldn't hear anything". Donna says.

"He sang as he was dying", I add.

The Doctor gives me a look that hides something else he wanted to say, then turns to the Ood again. "His eyes turned red".

"What's that mean?", Donna asks.

"Trouble. Come on. The Ood are harmless. They're completely benign. Except, the last time I met them, there was this force, like a stronger mind, powerful enough to take them over". Why don't I like the sound of _stronger mind powerful enough to take them over_?

"What sort of force?", I ask.

"Oh, long story", he shrugs.

Donna wants an answer. "Long walk".

"It was the Devil", the Doctor says. I'm sure the long version of this story is equally weird.

"If you're going to take the mickey, I'll just put my hood back up", Donna glares at him.

"Must be something different this time, though. Something closer to home. Ah ha! Civilisation!", he says as we reach the top of the hill and look over.

He takes a slow, studying look at the base downhill and then starts to walk again, heading just there. Donna has her hood back up and is walking behind us.

"So you were hearing the song too".

"I guess. It was sad", I say.

"Sad, and giving you headaches again", he gives me the tilted-head worried look. "I don't like this".

"If it's about the laser...", I start.

"The laser", he repeats, nodding. "Really. You know how much I hate weapons and you got that thing working?", he says coldly.

I understand him, really. It's not like I don't remember what that thing did to him. "It's just a laser now. I got rid of all those horrible genetics features, trust me".

"Oh, well, fine then", he says bitterly. I bet he's regretting the moment he picked that thing up from the Valiant. "Still a weapon".

"Yeah, well, I'm not you. I can't get away with just... words... and a _screwdriver_. It's just for defending myself!", I protest. "Besides, I never saw you requisition Jack's gun, for that matter".

"You're not Jack", he says, looking away at the gate. I stand still.

"That sounds a bit sexist", I say. How it is that lately every time I talk to the Doctor we end up arguing?

"Zoe- for Pete's sake, Jack works for _Torchwood_", he corrects himself, turning to me again. "Besides, you have... other skills to get out of dangerous places - I do trust you. Tell you what. Looks like there's something going on here, let's split up. You go take a look around, Donna and I will join that... guided tour", he says, pointing to a girl with a clipboard.

"I'm not getting rid of the laser", I insist.

"Zoe", he says as I walk away, just as Donna joins him, looking between us, confused. "There's something interfering with your telepathic abilities, giving you headaches whenever someone tries to reach to your mind - and you're armed. Do you know how _dangerous_ that is?".

* * *

**facts for reviews, as usual:**

**-I really really really love Capaldi's outfit as it was presented. It's all British (it's been speculated that the coat is Paul Smith… awww) and even if it's been pointed out the boots are not Doc Martens, they still ****_look like_**** Doc Martens, how cool is that? However bad Moffat's writing could be I bet he'd be a great Doctor for this story too. Wonder if I should include him before season 8 starts… mmh. **


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

So I'm thinking about Arsenal. Because when Donna earlier mentioned she learnt to whistle in West Ham, I really had to point out my annoyance, because even when moving from a foster family to another, I always had a home in Highbury. My late brother used to bring me along on Saturdays. I even went to a couple St. Totteringham's Day parties with Paul. It's just a regular part of growing up in England. You pick your things, Stones or Beatles, your favourite Spice Girl, your political party, your how-many-spoonful-of-sugar-in-your-cuppa and your team.

Football. I mean, England gave the world David Beckham and Wayne Rooney (both from United, I know, I know, not the point). And I'm English.

Except I'm not, and really, with the whole of time and space in my head, I guess there's no much point in thinking about the Gunners and the Premier League.

I'm not English, I'm not human.

That's why I I've been trying to focus on this list of things that don't matter anymore but used to matter a lot.

I need to hold a grip on what's left of my humanity to still feel emotions after a day like this when I had such a depiction of something the Master himself, oddly, once said; _human race, the greatest monsters of them all_.

Today for the first time I was relieved I stopped being human.

Again, I'm thanking the skies that Donna was there. She alone - her compassion, her kindness towards the Ood really changed everything. But she's in shock. I'm not sure she'll want to stick around for more of this.

Slavery.

When I followed those guards and saw them shooting at the rabid Ood, I never saw it coming. And the warehouse, the containers, it was just too much.

I was surprised about the Doctor, though. He said he was too busy to save them, the last time he met the Oods. Like, too busy to realize they were slaves instead of servants.

It's not like him. How could he? I had my doubts in Pompeii before we realized what was going on, but I felt the tingle of keeping the point in time fixed, and it was scary, realizing I could have stepped away without care of the twenty-thousand people supposed to die there. I guessed being a Time Lord gives you such a strong feeling of time that anything else can be sacrificed to keep time in order, but the Doctor always seem to think about decisions. Like he did in Pompeii, after all. With Donna's stubborness helping, of course.

Maybe that's what scares him too, that I will become cold and cinycal and without feelings, as trigger-happy as Jack Harkness and his Torchwood bunch. Back inside warehouse 15, I felt him reach for my hand to stop me from drawing out the laser again.

Which I wouldn't have done anyway. I'm really trying to be better. Think more. Use words instead of weapons. But we didn't need either, because Sigma the Ood had already taken care of that.

Also, their song was killing me, apparently.

Yep. Fainted again, just as the freedom song started echoing.

It was a brief moment, my body slamming to the runway grating before I could hang to anything, and the pitch black darkness was all over me again.

And that voice was there again.

_Get out._

What do you want from me?

_You need to let go._

You're the headaches, I say. I think. I'm not really talking, this conversation is in my head.

_Very much._

Why are you in my mind?

_I'm not. It's just you. You're alone. _

Bollocks. Am I talking to my conscience, or something?

_I'm not your conscience. Wake up, time child. _

"Zoe! Zoe", I blinked to find Donna gently slapping my face, both her and the Doctor leaning on me. "Zoe, are you ok?".

What a buzzkill I am. I mean, despite the coldness of Sigma's patience in poisoning Halden. And I'm sorry for that bloke, Ryder, I'm a sucker for activists. But in the end, the Oods were released. The Doctor was so honoured to break the circle, and now he's looking at me with his wary stare again. He nods at me, and I'm up on my feet again, smiling reassuringly, and he shrugs whatever worry as quickly as it came.

I follow them grimly uphill in the snow until we reach the Tardis, where the Doctor speaks to Sigma and the other Oods who came to bid us farewell.

"There is room in the song for you", the Ood says.

"Oh, I've, I've sort of got a song of my own, thanks", he replies, shrugging.

"I think your song must end soon". Maybe it's the translator circuit and the electronic voice giving the sentence some ominous color, but I think that didn't sound good. And what's with this prophecy delivery wherever we go lately?

"Meaning?", the Doctor asks, puzzled.

"Every song must end", Sigma says, without really explaining anything.

"Yeah", he nods politely, without giving it much thought, and then he's talking to Donna again, who's apparently not leaving, which makes me very grateful. Also it makes me giggle that the Ood think her name is Doctor Donna. She'd be a great Doctor.

"...know this, Doctor Donna. You will never be forgotten. Our children will sing of the Doctor Donna, and our children's children, and the wind and the ice and the snow will carry your names forever", Sigma says as we walk back into the Tardis.

"Forever...", I repeat absentmindedly as I close the blue doors behind me, taking my jacket off.

"Well right now I hope _the wind and the ice and the snow_ will carry my skin into a bathtub forever", Donna says, throwing her hooded coat to the same pillar where the Doctor threw his, which leaves him with his jaw dropped. "See you later, Space Friends. Human needs hot bubbles!", she says, heading to the stairs with a theatrical exit.

I giggle, looking at her, but as I turn back I catch a grim look on the Doctor's face as he pretends to do whatever over the console. Of course, he's trying to hide it as usual.

"See, I did see you", I say, leaning back on the jumpseat. "Cuppa?", I ask.

He sighs, then spins back on his feet. "Library. Yeah, that'll do, thanks".

I put the kettle on and look for the mugs. Donna must have used the one I usually take, so I open a cabinet and pull out another one with a Union Jack flag design. I walk out finding myself already in the library - the Tardis, what a glorious machine. Won't let you serve your tea too cold.

The Doctor is snooping at the Gallifreyan book he's given me and that I left open on a sofa. "So you didn't make it past page two hundred and- oh", he interrupts.

"I started the chapter on telepathic links and there's an introduction to Gallifreyan brain biology that lasts forever", I say apologetically. Really, it's boring. Didn't expect him to look so surprised about it, though. "What, what's wrong?".

"Rose always used that mug", he nods, sighing.

"Oh. I'm sorry... I guess?".

He gives me the sad puppy gaze. I roll my eyes, tilting my head to where I just left the kitchen, which is anyway gone. "Should I go and change it?".

"Naah", he shrugs, but his mind is traveling elsewhere.

"Rose", I repeat. "Was she with you that last time you met the Oods?", I ask, sitting down.

He turns suddenly to look at me from the other end of the sofa. "She was. We almost ended up stuck there".

I stay silent, thrilled by the fact he's actually _talking_ about Rose instead of his usual changing the subject as fast as he can.

"She showed compassion to them. She was... she would...whatever", he shrugs.

He looks away again. I know I shouldn't say anything, but I can't stop myself.

"In Pompeii, that man said-".

"No", he cuts me off so quickly I don't know how he realized what I wanted to say. "It's not Rose. She couldn't. And I think I know who's the _she_ who's _returning_".

Wait, what? I think. Chloe? River? Maybe he's met her already, what do I know.

"Death", he says flatly, as if reading that I'm trying to guess.

"Wh-".

"Come on. _Every song must end_? That was way too easy", he says waving his hands in the air.

I try to get my jaw up from the floor. "Death".

"Yeeah".

"_Death_. Seriously".

"It's the only thing that makes sense".

"That you're going _to die_? You're joking, right?", I almost scream. How can he be talking this casually about his own impending death, which I however refuse to accept, since I've seen him die on that beach in the States many years from now? What would I ever do without him?

"_What_? Why would I die? Look at me, I'm fine", he says smugly, adjusting his tie as he looks at my terrified face. "I mean Death. Death, old friend, or enemy, dunno- one of the Eternals".

"One of the _what_?".

"The Eternals, the ancient gods of Gallifrey, older than Time itself -blimey, that book really must be boring", he glares, as my face switches from worry to pure anger and I jump at him, slamming the book on his head.

"Wait-, stop, wait, hang on", he repeats, trying to cover his face as I keep slamming the book on his thick thick insensitive Time Lord's head.

"You bloody idiot! Choose. Your. Words. Wisely?", I say, hitting him in synch with each word. "I thought...", I'm on the edge of tears, and he's laughing,_ the bastard_.

He somehow avoids the last hit and the book falls to the ground as he grips my wrists to stop me.

"I thought...", I repeat.

"Sorry. Bad choice of words, right".

I calm down, and his grip on my wrists eases although he doesn't let go. "Old friend? That sounds creepy".

"Not really friendly, no. Let's just say I had to come to terms with her a few times. K-...Long story".

"Like with the Devil, yeah. Fat lot of good, your friends in the old days", I glare at him. "Are these supposed to be my gods too now?".

"No, no, no. The Devil wasn't a god of Gallifrey, please. Plus. He's not going to show up anytime soon", he says, raising his eyebrow. "And you can choose to believe in whatever you want. Except for the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster, please. He's not really a nice guy".

The amount of nonsense a man this clever can bring into one single sentence is frustrating.

"What do _you_ believe in?", I ask.

He lets go of my hands, thinking. "Well, I'm not sure. I used to- I mean, I...", his eyes look around until he finally smiles bitterly, fixing on my cup of tea.

"You believed in Rose", I say instead of him.

He turns to look at me, whispering in agreement, almost inaudibly.

"Well if she fought the Devil, I'm sure going to take care of Death", I tell him, standing up again.

He laughs. "No, it's not... I mean, she always was... so human".

Compassion. Humanity. Premier League, Zoe, Premier League. Seriously, there must be a point when you realize you should _really_ start choosing your words wisely.

I turn and glare at him.

"_I know_ I'm not replacing her", I say sternly.

He stands up too and in an instant he's in front of me, stopping me to going wherever I wanted to go. Which was really nowhere, I just wanted to leave.

"I never assumed you thought you were", he says, looking into my eyes.

"Then stop with the brooding! I mean you... Gosh! You drive me crazy!", I say. I honestly don't know where this is coming from. I'm just so frustrated that I have to lash out at someone. And you know, the Doctor. My own punching ball.

He stops my hand from hitting his chest, grabbing my wrist again.

"_I_ drive you crazy? What about you? One minute I want to kiss you and the next one you do something reckless like showing up with a laser gun-".

Wait, what? And when did I get so dumb that I have to _wait what_ whatever he says?

"Doctor, listen...".

"No, _you_ listen". Didn't we already have a conversation that started like this? "Because I've been trying to pretend it didn't bother me, but it does. You're a ticking bomb in here. And you have no idea- _no idea_ of what it's like to be the last one of your kind! - and then... finding out...".

He's almost crying, and I wriggle my hand out of his grasp to put it on his chest, feeling his heartbeats. He takes a deep breath.

"You're here, and you're a Time Lord, and you're not mine. You can't be. That _hurts_", he admits.

"So what?", I ask him. _Get out_, the voice in my mind repeats. _You need to let go_. "I should leave?".

"I don't know", he says sadly.

"_You_ asked me to stay", there, I'm screaming again.

"It's more complicated than that".

"Yeah, right, whatever. Okay", I state, bitterly. I can't believe it. I pick the book up from the carpet and storm to the arched entrance of the library, my pace getting faster at each step, until I slam the wooden doors on my back, and then stop and lean the back of my head on the door.

Why does it have to be so damn complicated?

I'll be lost without the Doctor.

_You're alone. _

I ran off too quickly. There's my humanity, Doctor, running away as fast as I can. It's not good. I should go back and apologize.

The instant I push the door I realize someone is pulling on the other side.

I see his eyes turn from worried to relieved, and without a word, we both close our eyes and we're kissing.

Well that sure is going to un-complicate things.

* * *

**Thanks for reviewing! Here's footnotes and trivia and whatever for this chapter:**

**-Zoe picks the Rolling Stones (but she likes the Beatles too; it's only a what-if-you-could-only-pick-one situation), Arsenal as said, and Ginger Spice because she had the sense to leave the band before it ended up being just ridiculous. (personally, I was never a fan of Spice Girls although I liked the idea of an all-girls band as opposed to those 90s boybands). Something tells me if she was around in 2014 she'd be approving of Miley Cyrus' wild crazy phase and if forced to pick a One Direction (although they would still be creepily too young), it would be Zayn. Why, don't ask. Just. **

**-The stuff about Death comes straight from the Tardis Data Core wiki. As my faithful and lovely reader skarosianlifeform busted me various times, I think I should really learn what I'm talking about. Except, being a 50 year series, it's becoming more and more obvious that even back then a lot of stuff in the show contradicts itself. I'll try to take a position whenever something is unclear. Here what I take for sure is that the Doctor made a pact with Death and basically screwed up the Master so he has some guilt about it. Yes, guilt is my story arc. Just kidding, though- 10 was always the guilty one himself as written by RTD.**

**Also a free one for you:**

**-St. Totteringham Day is a festivity for supporters that happens whenever Arsenal reaches mathematically enough points to be sure to beat Tottenham in the championship. I've never been to an actual party but boy, those must be fan. Me I haven't really been a strong football fan since I left England but it's really a big deal over there. Also, sorry if there's any Tottenham supporter out there reading this. I basically just picked a team when I moved to London and Arsenal was the only one I had ever heard about before moving. **


	12. Chapter 11

**_Yeah, I know. Sorry. I really didn't have time to write. Apologies. Also, I lost count of people I had to thank here. so YAY THANK YOU EVERYONE!_**

* * *

Chapter 11

The book somehow appeared on the nightstand, and I've given it another look, but it doesn't really help. It's greek to me, as Shakespeare would say. Funny though, I could probably read Greek quite easily now.

I sigh and drop the book, so I'm looking through the glass ceiling, again, at the red sky of Gallifrey in this imaginary landscape the Tardis laid for us, just like the last time. I suppose it makes sense that the ship did so that time too, although I couldn't understand then why it wanted to show me the Doctor's home planet.

"How did it happen?", I ask him.

"There was a war", he says, coldly. It doesn't sound like he's pausing to tell more, so I insist.

"What you said to the Master... was it really you, the one who ended it?".

He shifts until we're staring at each other, side by side. "Yes", he says after a long stare into my eyes.

I don't really want to hear more. I sense that someday he's going to tell me what happened, but, as shallow as it may sound, I don't care, at least not yet. I grew up as an orphan, and I've come to terms with not knowing where I am from a long, long time ago. The fact that it isn't somewhere in England but a distant planet doesn't really make a difference to what it feels like.

I don't insist, and he doesn't apologize for not telling more. His eyes trail over to my collarbone, as he strokes my shoulder and arm.

I growl a little and roll so now I'm laying prone, still looking at him. My hand reaches for the ancient book again as the Doctor lifts up on his elbow and kisses the base of my neck. It feels... well, a bit weird, still, but there's a natural, spontaneous feeling that puts me at ease. The tension is still there, of course. That nagging feeling that Time Lords can't have an easy life. And surely, not an easy relationship.

He strokes my arm gently, trailing over the long line of dots that starts on my wrist and goes up to my elbow, the line I used to mark and count every time I met the Doctor. His fingers run over the circles and spheres of Gallifreyan written on my upper arm. I didn't draw that.

I close the book. "Do you know what it means?".

"No... I can't read it", he admits, sighing. "It's... incomplete".

I stare at the air, mumbling. Great. It's like those people who get tattoos in chinese or japanese language with wise ancient sayings when they maybe really say _spring roll_. Well, I can probably read chinese and japanese too, now.

"I'm guessing it's your name".

Ha. So, I do have a Time Lord name. An incomplete name.

"Any theories on why it's incomplete?", I ask.

"Not really, no", he says. "Names don't usually randomly appear on skin".

Well, mine did. I didn't even notice it at first, only checked if I had it when I saw it on Chloe, with her spaghetti straps dresses. Aaaand, I know what he's going to say next.

"I suppose it has something to do with _him_".

Because, of course it must have something to do with him. I'm part of him, so part of my name is missing because he's missing. It makes sense. Not that I knew my name when he was around, though.

"It's unfair", I complain, brushing my shoulder until the Doctor moves and lays again on his back beside me.

He stares into my eyes as I try to get back to the most boring book ever, then gently sweeps a strand of hair off my face. "A Time Lord's name, that's a very powerful thing. It's the greatest secret a Time Lord can have".

"Are you saying I haven't earned it yet?".

"Maybe not. I don't know", he admits with a shade of sadness.

"What does it sound like? Is it like american indian names, Sitting bull, Rain in the face? I mean, I suppose it's not something like... Joe... or Jane".

"No, no, no, my name, my name is not Joe. And yours is not Jane. It has a meaning, yes, but... it sounds more like... music".

"That's nice", I smile. I like the idea of having a piece of music that tells who I am. Except it doesn't if I don't share it with anyone.

"So, you're not going to tell me your name".

"No", he says quietly.

"Is there anyone who knows your real name?", I ask.

He crosses his arms under his head on the pillow, thinking. "I don't... no, not anymore".

I stay quiet. There's really no need to point out how lonely that sounds. I lean over and kiss his lips, softly. He smiles. "Give me that", he eyes to the book. "Do you want me to translate it into English?".

"No, thanks. I'm practicing". I nudge the book to him and rest my head on the pillow, laying down. I'm not good enough with Gallifreyan language and maybe his translation could help, even if I think I've read the thing for a thousand times now and that doesn't make it any clearer. I almost memorized the thing and it's still so lacking, so vague.

This book really is the most boring thing I've ever laid my eyes upon, and the Doctor's voice doesn't make it any more exciting.

"_Here lays the depiction of the ancient practice of guardianships, wherein the punished Time Lord would be turned into an infinitely inferior species, thus losing all privileges of life as one of the supreme beings._ Blimey, Time Lords weren't very modest._ In ancient times, before the high council established order in our well behaved society, major offences as treachery, treason, harming the society, terrorism, interfering, acts so disdainful that the offender was no longer wanted as a member of our respected species, a process was developed so that such criminals could experience life as a lower species_", he reads carefully, as if he's studying it for himself too. I still feel offended for the racist tone the ancient high society of Time Lord has.

"_For if the punished could return to his previous state as a superior Time Lord, following his reinstatement surely both the rieducational time and the regret for his actions leading to such a punishment, would convince him of a more suitable life in our society_". So far, I think I've already known that for some time. Turn into a human, that's a punishment.

"_A fellow, higher in society, in culture and power Time Lord would be guardian of the key to the felon's cage, not a phisical one as much as a biological one, for which the first rudimental achievement of the chameleon technology were adapted. The guardian only could reopen the cage and return the Time Lord to its natural state as a member of our well respected high society as a Time Lord..._".

This is where it starts getting messy. Because it's clear that I'm not the standard case, since I'm definitely not a higher Time Lord than the Master. I am the apprentice of Time Lords, beginner level. I mean, I don't even have a complete name.

"..._in order for the guardian to detain power over the guarded, the two would be joined together with a permanent link, scratched into the fabric of the world, marked in the deepest layers of the stars and resonating across all of time and space_ blah blah blah...".

"See? I told you it was boring", I interrupt him.

"..._blah senses blah blah blah_. It- It's not really your case, too. No wonder you didn't find a lot of help in here", he says, turning the page quickly skipping over the list of Time Lords who were punished like that, stories that have too many detailed notes for me to read carefully.

"However - wait. _This form of punishment wasn't carried on very much and later discarded, because the resulting link between guardian and guarded often resulted..._- uh, that's interesting". I glare at his interruption as he stares into my eyes puzzled. "sorry- _resulted in not only impeding the guardian's ability to establishing other bonds, but especially damaging the guardian's concentration and focus on more important matters, and some great Time Lords were reduced to the quality of babysitters towards felons who weren't even worth their time to begin with_-".

"Does the text really say _babysitters_?", I quiz him.

"...Yep. _Therefore it became more and more difficult to find Time Lords who were powerful and wise enough to be guardians and who were willing to take that sort of responsibility. Although already a thing of the past, it is believed that during those ancient times bonding was still in use in some parts of Gallifrey_, mmmh".

"Still in use?", I repeat.

"Well bonding was never formally forbidden, if that's what you're asking. But it's... it was such a _rare_ thing that I think nobody actually felt it needed being forbidden. Time Lords simply didn't bond anymore".

"I thought bonding had something to do with love and marriage".

"With love, yes. But marriage... that was an entirely different level".

"How?".

"The psychic bond, that only happened when two people were in love. It's - it was - oh, well. Something so complete, so unique - more than a relationship, but a mutual acceptance and fusion with the other. Two minds linked together, inseparable. And not just that - the bodies, too. Making love with someone you're bonded with... it's just... another thing". The way he says that, it sounds like he knows what he's talking about. And it resonates with what he said earlier. I'm a Time Lord, but I'm not _his_. "But marriage, that was just politics. As soon as they invented looms, sex for Time Lords was just... archived".

"Politics? And what the hell are looms?".

"Marriages were arranged between houses, and children were... Time Lords weren't born, they were _loomed_. That alone makes your very existence, Zoe, even more... unexpected".

"So when a house wanted a child, they would just... pick some_ time yarn_ or something and... loom it? Were you and the Master... loomed?".

"Yeah", he says, rubbing a finger against his eye, raising his brows.

"I don't understand". I really don't. I smirk unintentionally. "You're a Time Lord, I am a Time Lord, and the Master... well... uhm, I don't see any... any... lack of... sex drive".

I didn't mean to provoke him, but he suddenly jumps on his elbow and pins me down.

"You're an unlikely case of Time Lord", he says seriously, touching my temples with his. "As for _him_, and me... keep in mind we were the rebel ones. We never followed rules".

"There was a _rule_? Did they ban _sex_?". Why would anyone- ever- the Doctor kissing my collarbone, it's really distracting.

"They didn't need to. They just... ignored all about it". I run my fingers through his hair, gently. His skin feels hot against mine. It feels good. Maybe there's still something human about me, because I'd never quit sex.

"But... why?".

"Why", he repeats, groaning, then shakes my hand off his head and rolls around, pulling me until I'm on top of him, until my head rests on his chest. "Sex, and love, they're... messy, complicated, and distracting. Time Lords don't- didn't want _mess_. They didn't want _complications_, they didn't want _distraction_".

"That's so sad", I say, breathing over his chest hair, as he run a hand through my hair and the other strokes my spine. "They were all repressed".

"Weeell", he giggles. "Not... all of them. Those times the book talks about... they used to be a noble, gentle kind, the Time Lords. Equality, freedom, curiosity, honour... there were a lot of good things. But the more they become clever and powerful... the quicker the very core of the noble spirit of Time Lords started rotting. But I wasn't the only one ignoring rules", he winks.

"I almost started thinking you went traveling the universe to satisfy your sex drive like some Erasmus student", I giggle.

"That sounds more like your friend Jack".

"I thought he was your friend too", I say.

"Not in _that_ way", he snorts, pushing me again until he's on top of me, kissing my neck while running a hand down my thigh to bend my knee and make himself space between my legs.

"Your loss", I laugh, biting his shoulder.

He's gentle and sweet, but strong. He knows how to use his body and how to pleasure mine, and he takes longer this time, he indulges in long gazes and in holding me, and I'm surprised to realize I'm having trouble breathing.

Which didn't happen before this whole book intermission.

I'm struggling. I feel tension in every inch of my skin, I feel my whole body on edge, but I can't recognize if it's pleasure or-

_What are you doing_, the voice I hear in my head asks, but it doesn't even sound like a question.

I open my eyes suddenly, gasping. Then, I climax. Loudly. I cling to him as if my life depends on it, and maybe it does, my nails unintentionally scratching his back until he finishes.

We don't fall asleep, we both just stay there lazily. Sometimes I pick up the book and run my fingers over it, glancing at the circles and arc shapes that are words, while he lays beside me, absentmindedly stroking my arms. I gaze at my shoulder and at the drawing of my incomplete name and catch his eyes, as he looks at me softly.

I really can't put a finger on where we are now. It's like he's a completely different person than the one I was fighting with a few hours ago. All I know is that this looks like a better way to break the tension between us than tea and swimming, but I can't even tell if this is a one-time thing or if it's going to happen again, and I for sure don't think what just happened will change his mind about my appetite for trouble. I don't feel relaxed about what he just told me about Gallifrey and the Time Lords, for all I understood is that I should have been a strong powerful Time Lord in order to be the Master's guardian, and I'm not. He's had centuries of travelling and building power, I've been a Time Lord for a total of... two years and a couple months? I am basically still a toddler. No wonder the Doctor is always worried about me.

Babysitting.

"Am I your responsibility?", I ask the Doctor.

"My.. what, why?", he replies, confused, gently biting my shoulder, half climbed over my back.

"You said the Master was, your responsibility. Since he was a Time Lord. Am I your responsibility too?".

"You...", he starts, and the time he takes to reply makes me think he'd been asking himself the same question for quite long without coming up with a straight answer. "I... I suppose".

I glare into air. "What, you _suppose_?".

"Suppose you've never met me and Martha, you'd still be human". he says, leaning on his hand on my pillow so that I hear him talking straight beside my ear.

"I'd still be trapped", I correct him.

"Yes, but without any clue. You could have lived your life as a human, as a...".

He says that like he's apologizing. Like he thinks I'd have a better life if I stayed human. And I can't help but think again that life as a Time Lord isn't easier, or funnier. Sometimes it feels like Time Lords aren't even entitled to happiness.

"I wasn't exactly having a happy life as a human either", I say lowering my voice. It's pretty sad if you think about it, I had that one chance at a happy human life and I was on my way to royally blow it. "And Chloe knew about me. Sooner or later, I was meant to meet the Master". Was I? It was all extremely timey-wimey. Timelines are twisted as a Joyce poem in that area.

"Still", he says, rolling on his back until he lays by my side again. "You may not be my responsibility but I still feel responsible".

"I'd rather you don't". I groan a little. "I'll never learn anything if I take you for grated, if I constantly know you're going to save the day or clean up my mess or save me. And I'm not saying it because we were discussing weapons earlier, I mean it generally".

"I know", he nods. "But I can't help it".

"You already feel responsible for everything. Let me be one thing less".

"I guess we could try that, yeah". He says that exhaling, as he's phisically tired from the weight of the world he chooses to carry on his own shoulders. "It rarely works, though".

I stare at him, lifting up on my elbows. "I can't change your mind. But... at least let's try and change _responsible_ to _protective_, or _caring_, okay?".

I climb down the bed and start dressing.

He smiles, reaching for his shirt. "I'll make the tea, see you in the library?".

"Darjeeling, please", I wink, pushing the door.

I release a breath I wasn't aware of holding and rest my back on the wall just outside. I can't really sense how long it's been since we've entered that room. It feels like we were somewhere else, like I forgot we were still on the Tardis. The door slowly pulls back into place, with a loud click.

_What are you doing there. _

I shake my head, trying to ignore the fact I didn't black out, I was fully coscious and I heard that voice again. I make my way to the library and before the first corner, I run into Donna.

"There you are! Thought I heard a noise! Where were you hiding, you-_oooh_", she smirks lowering her voice as she catches a glimpse of the Doctor plunging his jacket over his shoulder, his shirt still untucked out of his trousers. "Having fun, you two space lovers? Anyway, none of my business. Just wanted to tell you a phone was ringing".

"My phone?", I ask her, puzzled. I think my phone is laying, battery dead, on the desk in the atelier. Forgot to carry the charger. Phone life doesn't improve with space traveling. "That's unlikely".

"What's unlikely?", the Doctor asks joining us.

"My phone ringing. Wasn't it the Tardis phone?". I ask Donna.

"Dunno. Just heard a ringtone in the console room".

"Didn't you pick up?", the Doctor asks.

"What? What if it was some alien business in alien language? What if I accidentally bought us a ten years subscription to a gardening magazine?", she snorts.

"Curious". The Doctor shrugs. "The Tardis phone almost never rings. Anyway, library. Donna, I was about to make tea, do you want some?".

"What? _Tea - library - swimming pool_, no sir. We're not going to muck around lazily for ages again. This is a timeship! Let's do something, let's go somewhere, you lazy aliens!", she protests. "I'm going to fly this ship myself if I have to".

"Oh- oh! Yeah! Let's give Donna a driving lesson", he says, cheering. "So you can prove Zoe wrong about me being a lousy teacher".

"Well I hope I don't have to prove her wrong whenever she finds something to complain about", she says, smirking in my direction again gesturing at the Doctor's messy attire. "And I sure hope she doesn't have complains about _this_, cause I tell you, I'm having _none_ of this nonsense".

* * *

_**I lost count of reviews too. So. Anyway.**_

_**-I wrote this chapter twice and the first version was something about the Doctor being very rude with Zoe and making her feel miserable and useless and it was just full of angst and banter (Hey, guess what happened to me last week? yay, let's go back to fictional characters!), but then I realized they didn't deserve that. **_

_**-the reason this chapter is a Really Long Explanation of Time Lord Things I Myself Invented (I'm sure there's a trope about long explaining moments, but I can't find the name) is to clarify because my first fic was more about cliffanghers and then resulted in a lot of plotholes because I didn't explain things along. I'm just trying to add some useful things here and there but I felt the need to take some time on the subject of guardianship. Which will be explained better later anyway. **_

_**-I just read a very disturbing fic where Rose Tyler was victim of a gang led by Jimmy Stone in which they forced her to sell drugs and treated her like a sex slave for the whole gang (it really didn't start that way and I kept reading because I want to know the ending). I just want to point out how many fics are about Rose being abused by her first boyfriend and I really don't think it's suggested anywhere in the brief mention of him in canon that he was abusive and a bastard, in my mind Rose was madly in love with him as teenagers do and dropped out of school and realized a bit too late she just ended up with a complete loser. Making him an abusive rapist figure only makes her love for the Doctor lose strength as of course she'd fall in love with someone like the Doctor after that, no? Instead she was sweet and passionate about him but she was also questioning and putting him into its place. I don't see him as a knight in shining armor for Rose, she was a strong individual character. **_

_**-Ok that was really long**_

_**-Rose being mistreated in fics is the thing that bothers me more.**_

_**-second is people changing Silence in the Library ending. "You watch us run". Why why why would you want to change an ending as epic as that one. **_

_**Pleeease review. Each of you is so helpful. **_


	13. Chapter 12

**Aaaand, BANG. blast from the past. Come on, see? two updates in two days? I'm trying to get you all to forgive me for how long this is taking me. **

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Donna is almost smashing the Tardis into the 1980s when we all hear the ringtone again.

"So _you_'ve got a mobile? Since when?", she asks.

The instant the Doctor picks up, I already know who's calling. "It's not mine", he says, shooting a glance at me.

Because of course it's Martha, and of course she's calling the minute I just got dressed after hours of amazing sex with the Doctor. I never got to know Rose that well, and I know I should feel bad about her too, but Martha was my friend, so. She's moved on with her life, so I shouldn't be this worried about meeting her. But well, I can't quite easily forget how massive her crush on the Doctor was.

When the Doctor opens the Tardis doors, she's standing there, all dressed in black, just like me in my spy gear. She looks more professional, though.

"Martha Jones", he says warily.

"Doctor", she replies.

I watch in silence as the Doctor hugs her. "You haven't changed a bit".

"Neither have you", she smiles.

"Martha", I say.

"You've changed, though. Look at your hair", she says, nodding in my direction.

"I know".

"I'm kind of relieved to see you're still with him. Looking after each other". I can't even turn to look at him.

"How's the family?", he asks, and here's the first of a long series of guilty feeling for me.

"You know. Not so bad. Recovering", she says, then looks at me.

"What about you?", he asks, as Donna walks out of the Tardis behind our back.

"Right. Should have known. Better with three on the Tardis. Didn't take you long to replace me, then", Martha says a bit bitterly when she spots Donna.

"Now, don't start fighting. Martha, Donna. Donna, Martha. Please don't fight. Can't bear fighting", the Doctor says, faster than needed. Three women all around him. That makes him more nervous than usual.

"You wish", Donna winks, then shakes hands with Martha.

"I've heard all about you. They talk about you all the time".

"I dread to think", Martha jokes.

"No, no, no. No, they say nice things", Donna clears. "He says nice things. Good things. Nice things. Really good things". I just wish Donna would shut up. So does Martha, apparently.

"Oh my God", she says shyly. "He's told you everything".

"Didn't take long to get over it though. Who's the lucky man?", Donna asks.

"What man? Lucky what?".

"She's engaged", I smile, nodding at the diamond on Martha's finger.

"Really? Who to?", the Doctor asks curiously.

"Tom. That Tom Milligan". I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with the year that never was, as the Doctor calls it. "He's in pediatrics. Working out in Africa right now. And yes, I know, I've got a doctor who disappears off to distant places. Tell me about it", Martha groans.

"Is he skinny?", Donna inquires.

"No, he's sort of... strong", she says under the Doctor's annoyed look.

"Well don't ask her, but for me he is too skinny for words. You give him a hug, you get a paper cut", Donna says. Martha glares at me. The Doctor groans.

"Oh, I'd rather you were fighting".

"Speaking of which", Martha says answering in a walkie-talkie. "This is Doctor Jones. Operation Blue Sky is go, go, go. I repeat, this is a go".

The instant Martha stops speaking, a convoy of jeeps and trucks appears from nowhere. There are parachutes in the air. I'm impressed.

"All workers, lay down your tools and surrender", a tannoy orders.

"What are you searching for?", the Doctor asks.

"Illegal aliens", Martha answers.

"Uh. Oh", I say.

"This is a UNIT operation. All workers lay down your tools and surrender immediately", the tannoy repeats under Martha's instructions.

"Is that what you did to her? Turned her into a soldier?", Donna asks worriedly, as we follow Martha who's pacing after the troops.

"And you're qualified now. You're a proper doctor", the Doctor says to Martha as we look over the field.

"UNIT rushed it through, given my experience in the field", she explains. "Here we go. We're establishing a field base on site. They're dying to meet you".

"Wish I could say the same", the Doctor replies coldly.

I'm a two steps back, waiting for Donna as she watches the troops rushing people out of the factory. It's not a good sight, they all seem very rude and too violent considering they should only be investigating.

"Come on, Donna-wait, wait!", I end up screaming, as four soldiers appear suddenly and twist my arms behind my back.

"Colonel Mace, we've got one- over", one of the soldiers say as I try to kick them.

"What are you doing? let her go!", Donna protests. "Doctor! Martha!", she screams.

They come back quickly. "Let her go!", Martha orders, and they immediately release me, all of them but one. "Come on- I'm sorry".

I shrug the soldiers off, giving them a warning look. "What the hell", I grunt. "She said let go".

"And that's an order, soldier", Martha insists.

"What's going on here?", a man in uniform appears from the back of a truck.

"Sir, Doctor Jones just went over your orders, Sir", the soldier who's still holding my shoulder.

"Scans show she's alien, Sir", the soldier insists.

I glare at the Doctor, who's shrugging by Martha's side. "Seriously?", I ask him.

"She's Zoe. She's my friend. She's with the Doctor. I can grant for her, Sir", Martha tells the Colonel.

"_I_ grant for Zoe", the Doctor repeats sternly, and this seems to finally convince him, as he nods to the soldier who reluctantly lets me go. "Sorry, Ma'am", he says apoligetically.

I shoot him another look and turn to follow the Doctor and Martha to the truck's entrance. The inside looks like a field operation base, a state-of-the-art fully functional office.

"Operation Blue Sky complete, sir. Thanks for letting me take the lead. And, this is the Doctor. Doctor, Colonel Mace", Martha says.

"Sir", the Colonel salutes.

"Oh, don't salute", he protests, with a disgusted face. He really doesn't like the military.

"But it's an honour, sir. I've read all the files on you", he apologizes. "Technically speaking, you're still on staff. You never resigned".

"What, you used to work for them?", Donna asks, surprised. Well, I didn't know that either. Suppose he mentioned UNIT a few times, but never said he worked for them.

"Yeah, long time ago. Back in the 70's. Or was it the 80's? But it was all a bit more... homespun back then", he says, looking around.

"Times have changed, sir".

"Yeah, that's enough of the sir", he insists.

"Come on, though, Doctor. You've seen it. You've been on board the Valiant. We've got massive funding from the United Nations, all in the name of Home World Security", Martha explains.

"A modern UNIT for the modern world", the Colonel smugly says, as he's repeating a slogan from a fundraising event.

"What, and that means arresting ordinary factory workers, in the streets, in broad daylight? It's more like Guantanamo Bay out there", Donna says, unfazed by the authority. "Donna, by the way. Donna Noble, since you didn't ask. I'll have a salute".

I giggle. The Doctor nods at the unbelieving Mace, who then reluctantly salutes Donna. "Ma'am".

"Thank you", she says proudly.

Colonel Mace and Martha explains why they're arresting the factory workers, something about a globally organized murder of people with ATMOS in their cars. I didn't have a car, so I just heard of it, but even Donna knows the famous cleaning system. Leaves your car with zero impact on air, zero pollution. Apparently some people from various places of the world have all been poisoned at the same time.

We follow Martha and Mace through the factory under plastic curtains, until we're in a sort of lab with mock ups on a table.

"And here it is, laid bare", Mace explains. "ATMOS can be threaded through any and every make of car".

"You must've checked it, before it went on sale", I say.

"We did. We found nothing. That's why I thought we needed an expert", Martha tells.

"Really! Who'd you get?", the Doctor asks, curious, before realizing. "Oh, right. _Me_, yes. Good".

Martha and Mace leave. I don't think Mace is confortable with us tinkering without supervision, but Martha must have some sort of respect and authority around here.

"Okay. So why would aliens be so keen on cleaning up our atmosphere?", Donna asks.

"A very good question", the Doctor nods.

"Maybe they want to help. Get rid of pollution and stuff".

"Eight hundred million cars", I say.

"Right", the Doctor nods worriedly.

"What?", Donna asks.

"That's how many cars there are on planet Earth. Eight hundred million. Imagine that. If you could control them...", he says.

"You'd have eight hundred million weapons", I finish his sentence.

"Let's get to work, then", the Doctor says, throwing his coat on a chair, pulling out his glasses and the sonic screwdriver.

We're still examining it when Martha and Mace come back, the Doctor and I are scanning every piece of it. Donna left a while ago, not sure where she went. I beep the laser over the last piece.

"Ionising nano-membrane molecular technology", I say to the Doctor.

"Exactly. Ionising nano-membrane carbon dioxide converter. Which means that ATMOS works. Filters the CO2 at a molecular level", he agrees.

"We know all that, but what's its origin? Is it alien?", Mace asks, leaning over to the piece the Doctor is looking at.

"No. Just decades ahead of its time. Look, do you mind? Could you stand back a bit?".

"Sorry, have I done something wrong?", he asks.

"You're carrying a gun. I don't like people with guns hanging around me, all right?", the Doctor complains.

"If you insist", the soldier says, quite humbly, and leaves.

"Tetchy", Martha comments. "And unfair. I seem to recognize that device", she says nodding to the laser screwdriver.

"Leave Zoe out of it, we have... some sort of ongoing argument about that", he says, which leaves me a bit confused. It is unfair, indeed.

"It's not as it was the last time you saw this", I say, defending my piece of work.

"Still a laser, though", she says, smiling bitterly.

"Martha", I say, but it's not the start of something I have to say, it's just a call, like I've heard the Doctor call on her so many times when he didn't know how to apologize. I hope once we're done with this ATMOS thing we'll have two minutes alone, me and her. She's not mad at me, I think, but there's a lot we didn't really talk about when I feel like we should have.

"He's a good man", she insists, turning to the Doctor again.

"People with guns are usually the enemy in my books", he says.

"Except when it's Zoe".

"There's a difference between a screwdriver and a gun. You seem quite at home".

"If anyone got me used to fighting, it's you", she says challengingly.

"Oh right, so it's my fault", he says. I don't really like the shape of this conversation.

"Well, you got me the job". Wait, what? Did the Doctor recommend Martha to UNIT? "Besides, look at me. Am I carrying a gun?".

"Suppose not", he admits.

"It's all right for you. You two can just come and go, but some of us have got to stay behind". Funny that her argument is so similar to mine. "So I've got to work from the inside, and by staying inside, maybe I stand a chance of making them better".

"Yeah?", he finally smiles. "That's more like Martha Jones".

"I learned from the best".

"Weeell", he concedes, smugly, while Donna walks in.

"Oi, you lot. All your storm troopers and your sonics and lasers. You're rubbish. Should've come with me".

"Why, where have you been?", the Doctor asks.

"Personnel. That's where the weird stuff's happening, in the paperwork. Because I spent years working as a temp, I can find my way round an office blindfold, and the first thing I noticed is an empty file".

"Why, what's inside it? Or what's not inside it?", he asks. Donna takes her time to answer, as proud as she is with her findings.

"Sick days. There aren't any. Hundreds of people working here and no one's sick. Not one hangover, man flu, sneaky little shopping trip, nothing. Not ever. They don't get ill".

"That can't be right", Mace says, walking beside her.

"You've been checking out the building. Should've been checking out the workforce".

"I can see why he likes you", Martha flashes a smile to Donna.

"Mmm-hmm", she nods.

"You are good", Martha insists.

"Super temp", Donna cheers herself.

"Doctor Jones, set up a medical post. Start examining the workers. I'll get them sent through", Mace orders.

"Come on, Donna. Give me a hand".

"So, this ATMOS thing", I ask Colonel Mace. "Where did it come from?".

"Luke Rattigan himself", he answers, leading us back to the computers.

"And himself would be?".

"Child genius. Invented the Fountain Six search engine when he was twelve years old. Millionaire overnight. Now runs the Rattigan Academy. A private school, educating students handpicked from all over the world", Mace explains once we're reading the file about the boy.

"A hothouse for geniuses. Wouldn't mind going there", the Doctor comments surprised. "We get lonely", he adds.

I groan at him. "I'll get Donna", I say, glaring, and I leave.

When I find Martha and Donna, they've set up the post and Martha's laying down her tools to check the workers.

"Do they know where you are? Your family. I mean, that you're travelling with the Doctor?", Martha's asking Donna.

"Not really. Although my granddad sort of waved us off. I didn't have time to explain", Donna says, shamely.

"You just left him behind?".

"Yeah".

"I didn't tell my family. I kept it all so secret, and it almost destroyed them". There. Second sting of guilt for Zoe.

"In what way?".

"They ended up imprisoned". By my sort of creator. "They were tortured", him again. "My Mum, my Dad, my sister. It wasn't the Doctor's fault, but you need to be careful", yes Donna, because I am the one who opened that damn watch. "Because you know the Doctor. He's wonderful, he's brilliant, but he's like fire. Stand too close and people get burnt", she says worriedly, and although, again, she doesn't look like she's mad at me, I still feel terribly ashamed for what happened to the Jones. I guess that's what the Doctor meant, when he said he can't help feeling responsible for me. I can't help feeling guilty for the Master.

Donna ponder Martha's words, then steps out to think, nodding.

"Martha", I ask. "How's your family, really?".

"They're recovering. And I know why you're asking, and please, Zoe, really, I don't... I don't blame you. Nor does Jack, in case you're wondering".

I want to ask more, to make sure she really doesn't blame me, but her mention of Jack caught me by surprise. "Have you spoken to him?".

"I have. Did some... consulting job with Torchwood".

Ha. Suppose they fired that pain in the ass doctor they had there? What was his name? "Torchwood? Does the Doctor-".

"I haven't told him, but I suspect he recommended them to hire me. Not sure if I should thank him, though, almost ended up dead. _Again_", she giggles, then suddenly returns serious.

"Isn't it always like that?", I smile.

"Usually, not always", she says bitterly. "Last time I spoke to Jack...", she sighs.

"Did something happen?", I worry.

"Lost half of his team recently. There's only him, Gwen and Ianto now. Toshiko and Owen didn't make it through a rough op. Not sure if you remember them, but, you know, just thought you should know, in case you get in touch with Jack".

I do remember them, especially Owen. I broke his nose with my head, once. I feel sorry for just calling him a pain in the ass. He really must have been a valuable bloke to be in Jack's team in the first place.

"Do you think I should? Get in touch with Jack?".

"Zoe", Martha says, looking into my eyes. "I don't know where you are with the Doctor right now, if you're in a relationship or whatever or if you're both just being cynical and ignoring your feelings, and I don't know how much being a Time Lord changed you, but you know... my advice to Donna applies to you too. Stay by him, but you can be close even without standing _that_ close all the time", she says warily. "I still worry about you, that didn't change".

I nod quietly, and start. "Martha", I call, but again I don't really finish the sentence, partly because the first workers start queuing for the medical check, and partly because I'm not sure of what to answer.

I've been repeating this to myself for quite some time, too, and maybe she's right, but if I take the Doctor out of the equation, what do I do? I don't even have that many people left on planet Earth, well I _should_ have probably told something to my roommates, but still. I hardly knew them. Suppose they must have probably already sold my belongings at Brick Lane. Paul? He's a good friend, but I'm not sure how he could help me figure things out. Jack seems to be the only one I could really talk to, now that Martha says he doesn't blame me.

Martha nods at me in understanding and I turn away, following Donna until we reach the Doctor in the parking area. He's talking to the soldier who was holding me when we first walked into the UNIT camp.

"Doctor", Donna calls.

"Oh, just in time. Come on, come on, we're going to the country. Fresh air and geniuses, what more could you ask?", he says.

"I'm not coming with you. I've been thinking", Donna says, seriously. "I'm sorry. I'm going home".

"Really?", he asks, surprised.

"I've got to".

"Oh, if that's what you want", he says, and then he keeps talking and talking with a sad, broken and hurt look. "I mean, it's a bit soon. I had so many places I had wanted to take you. The Fifteenth Broken Moon of the Medusa Cascade, the Lightning Skies of Cotter Palluni's World, Diamond Coral Reefs of Kataa Flo Ko". Such a brilliant mind and he doesn't really have a clue. I can't cross eyes with Donna who's not even flinching and I want to see how much she can hold his gaze without bursting into laughter.

"Thank you. Thank you, Donna Noble, it's been brilliant. You've, you've saved my life in so many ways. You're... you're just popping home for a visit, that's what you mean".

"You _dumbo_", she nods, rolling her eyes.

"...And then you're coming back".

"Know what you are? A great, big, outer space _dunce_", she says smugly.

"Yeah", he agrees. He really didn't see it coming. I'm a bit confused by how quickly he would have accepted Donna's leaving.

"Ready when you are, sir", the soldier calls.

"What's more, you can give me a lift. Come on", Donna insists, mocking him. "Broken moon of _what_?".

"I know, I know", he shrugs, as we climb into the car.

"Now", I say to the soldier. "I think we started on the wrong foot", I say, offering him his hand. I couldn't help but notice he just checked me up as I turned around the car.

"Oh don't you start", the Doctor says complaining, in a way that reminds me of the way he scolds Jack.

"Ross Jenkins, Ma'am".

"Oh, please, it's _Zoe_- don't Ma'am me". I don't know if I picked this from the Doctor, or it just makes me feel older.

When we reach Chiswick, I've made my decision, so when Ross slows down and Donna announces she's walking the rest of the way, I hold the jeep door open.

"Wait- I'm coming with".

The Doctor looks at me puzzled. "What for?".

"I'll be back before you miss me", I wink, and surprisingly, he leans in and gives me a quick kiss through the window. "See you back at the factory, 'kay?".

"Yeah", he says resignedly, waving his hands in the air.

Since I don't have one, I thought I could just feel what it's like to have a family by meeting Donna's. Feel those human connections. And just as Martha said, which is curiously the same thing the voice at the back of my head says, maybe I really need to get out. So this is sort of a test. Just a break. Put some distance between me and him.

Needless to say, Donna's granddad is sweet and understanding, although judging by what Donna says to introduce me it's best if we keep the fact that I'm an alien a secret, but, gosh, her mother, don't get me started. I think I know now why Donna seems to think so poorly of herself. I politely resist about twenty minutes in the house, sharing a kettle of tea with Wilf but once Sylvia Noble has asked me if I have a steady job, if I have a boyfriend - and no wonder I don't, given my hair and looks - and ultimately decided, frankly not surprisingly, that I am a bad influence for her daughter, it's time for me to pay my own, private visits. For an instant I wonder if I could borrow their car, then I worry about ATMOS and just borrow their London AZ.

It takes me almost an hour to get there, but I'm not really scared until I sneak past the guards and laser the lock on the door that goes downstairs, and that's when I start asking myself if what I'm doing is actually wise, wondering if I still have time to change my mind.

I take a deep breath, trying to slow down my heartbeats, and exhale. I shake my head - I made it this far, I can go through with this idea.

I make my way to the cell, and the laughter I hear is just as welcoming and charming, and by that I mean _sinister,_ as it was the last time I heard it.

"I knew you would show up, sooner or later", she says, "even if I told you not to".

I'm actually relieved that she seems to have recovered some of her attitude. I smile. "Hello, Chloe".

* * *

**Since I didn't find any reviews :( :( , no trivias for you. Though let me tell you, I played in my mind with the idea of Zoe getting cloned instead of Martha, or with Martha, but. First it really made no sense because Zoe wouldn't have any access to the nuclear codes so cloning her would have been quite pointless, even for the potato heads. Also it meant another episode in which she would spend most time, well, blacked out. And, I think I've had enough of clones...**


End file.
